~Life with Miss Aubrey~

Christmas trash...

2011-12-29T10:01:00.000-06:00

On Christmas Eve this year 2011, we went to my Mom's house, Bree's Noni's house. We did most of Bree's Christmas, because Nick was picking her up by Noon on Christmas day.
Bree helped Mommy pass out our presents to every one, and was so sweet & giving. She had helped me wrap them, & she just seemed so proud of the gifts she was giving all the people she loves.
We bought a nice watch for my brother. He immediately put it on and laid his old watch on the floor. A few minutes later while we were still all talking and visiting around the Christmas tree, I heard my brother talking and following Bree into the kitchen.... then a howl of laughter.
Immediately, I knew what she had done! Ha
Bree saw Uncle Matt's "old watch" and picked it up, walked it to the kitchen, and threw it in the trash can! Hahahaha!! "Ew, Mommy.... old! Bree threw it in trash!"
Oh, I love her more every moment! Just when I thought I could not possibly love her any more.... I do!
She is the funniest person I have ever known! Thank you, Jesus! You not only gave me the most precious child ever, but you also gave me the funniest one you've ever made!! :-) Thank you!

Single Motherhood: Behind the Scenes

2011-12-16T11:54:00.003-06:00

There are questions that people ask me about what it's like to be a single mom. Typically, the questions are very indirect. It's rare that someone just comes right out and asks a question regarding how I handle it or what it is really like to be a single parent.

On the flip side (this mostly pertains to those who don't have children at all), there are some people in my life that have absolutely no idea what it takes to be a parent, let alone a single parent. So, it's been on my heart to address it, to give it a voice, a color, a story. This is what our life, my life as a single Mommy really looks like....

Let's start with some facts. I have primary custody of my little angel, who is now (nearly) 3 & 1/2 years old. Our custody agreements are a little different that standard P & A (divorce language for "possession and access") or what is understood as visitation, but generally, I have Bree 90-95% of the time. She is with her Dad 4 nights of the month. That's it.

Thankfully, her Dad and I have come a long way. Not only do we get along for the sake of our daughter (which we have been pretty good about early on in our never ending divorce proceedings), but we have begun to move back into a friendship type relationship. We were best friends for the better part of the 11 years we were together, and I am so grateful that is where we are at this point. Nevertheless, Nick has a very VERY demanding job that keeps him away more than not, with extremely long hours and traveling.

I have been working with Bree and trying to prepare her for a part-time pre-school program that was to start this January. I just found out that the spot I was told they had available for Bree in this particular program, was not really there - or had been given to someone else. GRRRRRRR!!!! So, I don't even know what to do, but I know without a shadow of a doubt - Bree needs to be around other kiddos. She needs the socialization, and she also needs to step into doing things without mommy. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE doing things with my angel! I also know that it is in her best interest that she is around other kiddos & realizes how brilliant & independent she really is.... and how fun it is to have friends!

I always wanted to be a Mom. My whole life, I could not wait to have children and be a Mommy! I always always wanted to be able to stay home with my kiddos until they went to school, even if that meant waiting until I was a little older. So, I am unbelievably grateful to not only be a Mom, but to be able to stay home with my angel, until she is a little older & off at school most days. Nevertheless, I don't believe most people, unless they have done it, really and truly know how hard it is & what it takes to be a stay at home mom. It is not easy, lazy, or eating bon bons .... EVER!

To be a single stay at home mom.... well, this is what it looks like:

*No breaks... ever.... 24 hours a day 7 days a week.

-Bath time, bedtime, nap (which rarely happens these days), snack time, meal time - every meal, projects, playtime, crafts, puzzles, books - story time, play-dates, doctors appointments, every cold or virus, laundry, grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, house hold budges, paying bills, movies, outings, etc..... Being a single stay at home Mommy means handling/juggling all of this and so much more - on my own.

-It means that having a child that is a terrible sleeper, your bed is not your own, and that sleep is a luxury you very very rarely get!

-It also means that I don't have a break in the evenings, like many woman do when their spouses come home - to have a bath by themselves, or even run to the store kid free for an hour.

-So, 95% of every bath or shower you have, is shared with a pre-schooler who is either actually bathing with you, or dismantling your bathroom while you rush through your shower (barely washing out the conditioner from your hair and never feeling like you shaved your legs without missing a spot or nicking yourself).

-It also means that I don't have a person to snuggle up with on the couch on rainy sunday afternoons, while we laugh and play with our beautiful daughter that we made together & was given to us by God. -It means that attending Church on Sundays feels like shit, now, because suddenly Sunday church feels like a different world, a different life.... for those families with a husband, wife, and kids. So, Saturday nights becomes the only time that rightfully feels like church time.

-It means finding a church home by yourself, and making all of the spiritual choices for your child's foundation - alone.

-It means that I don't have someone to talk with & figure out what pre-schools we should be thinking about or looking at, to discuss life and to encourage each other, or some one to hold me or rub my back on bad days.

-It means surrendering the dreams I had of having 3 or 4 children, and the life I always felt was intended for me.

-It means not just having Faith, but acting in Faith all of the time... which are very different. It means, sometimes, somedays I may not even be able to see the ground beneath my feet or have any understanding how I will get through today or whatever is directly ahead of me. So, I must chose to act in Faith & trust that God will allow the ground to meet my feet in every step I make that day. I must have Faith that God will meet me where I am, and the provisions will be made for me, even when I can not see or understand.

-It means, if I ever wish or want to have a partner in my life, I must date again.... which I've never really done, anyway.

-It means, balance.... finding a balance in EVERYTHING, and never really knowing if what you are doing is the right thing. It is giving yourself permission to accept that you are doing the best you can with what you have at the time.

Being a single mom that stays at home and is now back in school, is literally the combination of 3 different worlds that would be plenty enough to handle separately:

1. Being a Mom

2. Being single

3. Being a student

This is just a glance, a brief & not at all thorough glance at what life looks like, being a single stay at home Mommy who is now back in school too. So, I hope it answers some questions, helps you hold & be thankful for the partner you may have, or allows you some patience with other single Mommies. It is tough, but I know God will never give me more than I can handle. I also know that the dreams & desires that God had for me and my life, are often bigger than my own. I may not be able to see fully around the bend, but I do have Faith that there is a purpose for it all.

Big Girl Bed!!

2010-11-11T12:53:00.000-06:00

Well, we are now 2 nights into the big transition of Bree sleeping in her very own room.... for really the first time ever!!
It is going a little better than I first anticipated, but I know it will still take a little while for it to feel "normal" to both of us.
Last night, She actually made it to 4:30am.... then she fell out of bed. :-( So, Mommy slept with her for the last couple of hours.

Bree is also going potty more & more on her little potty!! I can't believe how big she is getting, and I have a feeling that 6 months from now will look & feel very different around here!
Gosh... It does go so fast!

So, very very thankful for all the small & large blessings in our lives, as we continue to find our own path in this new journey.

Poop!

2010-10-28T12:22:00.003-05:00

Hahaha! So eloquently titled, I know! What more can I say? Bree pooped in the potty for the very first time!! Potty training in full swing, now! Yay!!

For those that are thinking, okay thanks.... too much information, Allison, ....maybe that is true. However, this blog, although sadly neglected for sometime, is all about documenting OUR lives together. It also helps me record milestone dates, because I am behind on her baby book. This blog often lets me go back & fill in the dates for her little book. And pooping in the potty for the first time, it really is a big deal! So, who cares about a little poo talk, right? That's what I thought! So, Ice cream & dance party for everyone, it's time to celebrate!! ;-)

It's funny, I actually bought her big girl panties yesterday at Kohl's, hoping it would encourage her to want to lose the diaper. Ha! Well, I guess she was ready too..... that or she really likes the cool big girl panties & boy shorts I bought. I dunno, but GOOD JOB BABY GIRL!! I am SO PROUD of YOU!!

3 Years...

2010-10-27T15:18:00.002-05:00

Could it be that long ago?? It seems like I waited forever, prayed my whole live, then prayed tearfully for months just before, longing for you .... and then suddenly, it happened. I found out 3 years ago today that you were there, you were finally on your way! I was pregnant, and you were growing inside of me... two hearts in one body.

Oh, words could never describe the unbelievable joy that broke all the walls down in my heart that could ever suggest that love has a limit. Angel, never has there been a daughter that was ever wanted & loved more than you! My love for you, Aubrey, has taught me true & unconditional - limitless love!! Although...I feel I must add, that I believe you have always been there, baby doll.... you were with me before & always. I think that is why my heart ached so during the waiting time between my birth & yours, because I missed you, my love. I know that Mommy had to come first & prepare a path for you, but I will admit that there were days I wasn't very patient in waiting. Hahaha... oh... I wished for you so!

Unfortunately, it didnt turn out the way I had always believed & prayed it would be for you. The life I wished, prayed, and tried with all my might to give you .... was a different image than the life we have today. That doesn't mean that the one I hoped for & lost was better, no... I have faith that the life we are building, the path Mommy is mowing down for you to follow behind.... it WILL BE BEAUTIFUL and PERFECTLY and UNIQUELY OURS. Colorful, healthy, fun, true, real, open, loving, graceful, with endless possibilities & adventures.... this is our life now, baby.

My little angel, when I was pregnant with you & even now, I can almost picture you waiting patiently in the arms of our Father for the day when He would lovingly kiss your face and place you in my arms... waiting patiently for your time to begin your life and new journey. Oh my, how very very lucky am I? Blessed beyond measure...

Thank you, Father.....Thank you, Lord for your faithfulness. Thank you for placing your most amazing miracle in my arms, to call me Mommy. I know the honor You have bestowed upon me with this precious gift, my daughter. I ask that You, please continue to light our path, guide me in all I do, and for love to be the only language we act with, speak with, and dwell in for all our days.

Aubrey, thank You, little Love, for choosing me to be your Mommy! I could never wish for anyone more. I adore you, and I cherish every precious moment we have together. You are the most glorious child, most amazing person I have ever known. I am so proud of you, and for you to call me Mommy! I feel like I wear a first place blue ribbon across my heart everytime I look at you & understand, you... beautiful little you, you are my daughter.

Some say that energy never dies, it only changes form. I believe this is true. Some believe we have been here before, in different decades/centuries,that we have lived before. I also believe this is a very real possibility. I believe that you & I have walk hand in hand before. Maybe always. For how could I have ever once existed without you?? Simple. I didn't... you have always been.... your energy, your little spirit was part of the spark that started it all.

So, today..... you are why. You are why today is remembered with celebration & pure joy... the day we found out you finally on your way!!

3 years.... my God... how much has happened in such little time...

Computer crash.....

2010-09-28T13:09:00.000-05:00

Yes, my computer crashed! I have never had this happen before, where my computer crashed so totally & completely that literally nothing happens when i turn it on.

SO.... there is so much I have in me to write, to share, to get out..... but it will have to wait for now. I have an old computer I am trying to get up & running while I figure out if & how to fix my other - better computer.

I also wanted to let any anonymous readers know that I will be making this blog private once more. I might write a separate one from Aubrey that I leave open, but as it is now, this one will be invitation only very soon. Most of my readers are aware of this, but if you didn't get the message & would like to continue reading this blog.... email/text/message me your email address. I will add you to the readers list, and you will simple receive an email inviting you to read this blog by simply entering in a password of your choosing.

I pray each of my lovely friends & readers are doing well.

With love & light,
Allison

allison.r.sapp@sbcglobal.net

Pee & She is getting SO BIG!

2010-08-28T16:44:00.011-05:00

Bree did it... SHE DID IT!!!! She used the big potty for the first time!!! She sat on her little toilet seat that fits on top of the real toilet, and she went pee pee!! WoooHoooo!!

Mommy is so very very proud of you, baby!!

In the middle of our victory ice cream & dance party, after she used the potty..... Nick showed up and took her for his overnight visit with her. Boo. We didn't even get to eat our ice cream. Oh, well.... we shall celebrate all week!!

:-( Missing my baby, already.

How Do You Live Your Dash?

2010-08-17T16:05:00.001-05:00

This poem was given to me a couple months ago. As I was sifting through mounds of paper work that at times seem to be talking over my life, I pulled this out & read it once more. I needed it today ...which, of course is why it was given to me months ago..... So, that I may find it like a needle in a haystack amongst my paperwork, on the precise day it was intended for me to digest.

Taking Time to Swing
-December 2009

Once more, I am humbled by a God of miraculous design. Her Maternal unconditional love that provides provisions for me daily. It makes me wonder why it is I struggle every day to just turn it over? Turn over my fear, my worry, my heart ache, my longing, ...my all, for all I need to do is but to ask for help & so shall it be... because that has been promised to me. One day soon (I pray), I will do this, daily. I will turn it over with out being broken first, without buts & half hearted trusting, and someday it will feel natural to do this... rather than feeling like I'm hand writing a final exam essay in pencil with my left hand. Ha! I guess that analogy is funny in it's self, being that we each write our own lives.... and writing with your less dominate hand, looks like a child's hand writing. If we could all learn to write our lives with the heart of a child, hand in hand with the God of our own understanding (however you choose to label or perceive Her/Him/Higher Power).... how different would our lives be, how different our experience & perception, & how different our reality might be?

What do I want other's to say of my dash?

..... I would pray that people would know me, think of me, & remember me as a Woman of courage & love. A Woman, a Lady.... who lived her life fully ALIVE and with full intention & passion, free & fully present, with an open & willing heart .... even, or.... ahem.... shall I say, especially in times of trial or uncertainty. I would hope that I lived a life, daily, that taught my daughter by example who she would like to be like, more than not. I long for Aubrey/Bree... or my Breezy to know & remember her Mommy to be silly, loving, giving, bright, undefeated by life's fallout's, yet foul-able... therefore, teachable. A person willing to admit mistakes & weaknesses, and stronger yet... because she could not only give, but also ask for help. A Woman who braved to tread the path less traveled, so that there might be a way, a better life for her & her Breezy. And finally, I wish that the little foot print I may leave behind on this earth or in the hearts of those who knew me... when my life has reached it's end & I must pass on..... is a messy one of unique hope, laughter, and one of example, of how to dance... a heart able... willing... and wanting to dance in sun & in the rain .... or with a broken arm... or a broken heart... with joy & with pain.

So, here is the poem that sparked this writing today.....

How Do You Live Your Dash?

I read of a man who stood to speak
at the funeral of a friend.
He referred to the dates on her tombstone
From the beginning.... to the end.

He noted that first came her date of birth

and spoke of the following date with tears,

But he said what mattered most of all
was the dash between those years. (1944-1998)

For the dash represented all the time
that she spent alive on earth....
And now only those who loved her
know what that little dash is worth.

For it matters not, how much we owe;
the cars.... the house... the cash,
What matters is how we live and love
and how we spend our little dash.

So, think about this long and hard...
are there things you'd like to change?
For you never know how much time is left,
that can still be rearranged.

If we could just slow down enough
to consider what's true and real,
And always try to understand
the way other people feel.

And be less quick to anger,
and show appreciation more.
And love the people in our lives
like we've never loved before.

If we treat each other with respect,
and more often wear a smile...
Remembering that this special dash
might only last a little while.

So, when your eulogy's being read
with your life's actions to be rehashed...
Would you be proud of the things they say
about how you spent your dash?

Published!!

2010-08-01T17:48:00.007-05:00

Whoop, Whoop, Whooooo!!

Yes, indeedy! The winds of change have been blowing for so so long, and now some good stuff is finally blowin' our way!

I submitted a few of my photographs for a local magazine Cover contest, and although we didn't make the cover, we did get published as an Honorable Mention! It is in the August 2010 issue of Frisco Style Magazine, and Miss Aubrey's photo is on the 4th page. I am so excited! I feel like my passion for photography & my deep longing to make a business out of my passion is beginning to take root. More importantly, the photo that was selected for publication was of Aubrey! It's just like a double shot of "hell yeah!"

http://digital.turn-page.com/title/4248 or http://www.friscostyle.com/

Again, I bow my head in gratitude for the windows & doors that were & are being opened for me .... remembering that even "in the Winter, far beneath the bitter snow... lays a seed that with the sun's love, in the Spring becomes the Rose."

This time a year ago, I would never ever dreamed what a long & hard road still lay ahead of me. I also, never could have imagined how difficult, but how glorious it could be to actually begin to heal, start again from ground zero, and best of all.... to finally begin to discover myself.

The road is still rough, the path is still unknown, there are mountains still waiting to be climbed, but for now, for this moment..... it is okay, I am okay, ... we are not only okay.... we are just were we need to be, right now. ;-)

A million moons ago..... & Chapter 1

2010-07-29T18:16:00.008-05:00

...That is what it feels like. It feels like a million moons have past, and I am in a new life, a different life,... a life I never dreamed would be mine.

When a person's life ends as they know it, and yet their heart continues to beat.... it seems as though there isn't one piece of the "old life", the old mind, .... the innocent heart, that is not broken to a point that life itself seems almost unrecognizable.

The end of my old life began with the death of my marriage. It has been 13+ months since our marriage was taken off life support. Like any life being kept alive on false mechanisms, a grasping for breath automatically begins .... and as the heart finally gives way & beats that final time, physically it appears that the rest of the body is awaiting the memo... that it is all over. Not one more breath will ever be taken again, no oxygen will be found to feed the cells of the body, & the blood will never circulate... will never pump through that body ever again. Then slowly, each body part begins to understand, stop its instinctual fight to survive, and quickly die from deprivation. It is like gazing at a fully lit house, every room bright with light & movement. Then one by one, each room goes black, until the darkness is so thick, one loses their perception on where they are, what is happening, and what is real. Upon looking at a life that has just passed away, I have many times just sat there & cried while thinking & trying to understand that this life is gone forever. That there will be no more movements, no more tears to be shed or wiped away, no more kisses given & received, no more winks, no more laughs, no more smiles, no more hands interlaced, no more hugs, no more back scratches, no more memories to be made, no more .... no more.... no more. It is over, and that body & that life is over.

For me, I think my grief for this death deepened once I understood that not only had something so precious to me died, but along with it.... the dream I had for my life had died as well. The dream my heart had for the life I longed & prayed for since I was a little girl. The dream of a husband & wife, children, a home, memories on every wall, stories for every stage & time of life, a partnership, a love that could not be broken, faithful hearts & bodies, children that learned what they should seek in a relationship just by watching Mommy & Daddy, a God centered family with dreams & love & happiness to spare. The dream, ha.... 'twas a beautiful dream, and the death of it feels almost worse than any death I have ever grieved.

Along the way, while the death of my old life continued to catch up with the rest of me.... there have been so many losses. Friends have come & gone, family members have passed on, others moved away, friends have lost pregnancies, lost a child, & lost parents, family pets have passed on as well......... and once in a while I find my chest heaving, my bones aching, & my heart breaking with pain again & again.... that which is mine, theirs, ....ours. Was it really so long ago, that other time... that other life.... that other day, when loss like this was unthinkable & incomprehensible?

As is with every blistery cold & dark night, there are moments where you think you just can not stand the cold/the dark for even one more instant. You know you could not possibly handle it anymore if even one thing, anything got any worse. It is those moments over this past 13+ months that I have been shown that I can. Just when I felt my legs would give by the weight I was carrying, another stone was place on top, or another side rail my hands where grasping on to was removed. I have stop saying, "it couldn't possibly get any harder or any worse," because I have now learned that, yes, it always can. I have also learned that nothing is too heavy for God, and asking for help from my higher power, my friends, my support systems is not only okay.... but required in this life. It is something I am still struggling with, the asking for help part. I must make an effort to remind myself daily that God (our Higher Power, The Goddess... haha) whatever you perceive that to be, wants unity & fellowship. We were not meant to live our lives in solitary, nor where we meant to walk broken paths & stormy mountains all by ourselves.

In the bible, it says where Two or more are gathered together.... God is there. I am learning what that really means, slowly. I have to remove myself from the "religious" teachings of my youth, and realize that what that really means is that with each heart that shines like a light in a darkened house..... the more people that stand in unity together & shine like mirrors to one another when one has begun to dim.... the brighter the light, & the stronger each heart may become that is gathered as one. God is in each of us, for we are his creations, and sometimes only when there another person in front of you... can you catch a glimpse of the life & beauty that is also in you.

I have been blessed. I have been sparred. I have been loved. I have been guided. I have been provided a new life, not by my design... but by God's Grace. I have kept moving, kept walking, kept crawling, kept searching for a lit window. I am finding those lights more & more, and although this home, my "new" life feels far from bright & lit up in every room........ a have found some candles & with them some mirrors. The reflections from these mirrors of the dancing candle light in this new empty home remind me that life & dreams for that matter, are never to be taken for granted, they are never under my control, and sometimes .... just sometimes our eyes must get use to the dark so that God may show us how glorious & precious light/ sunlight is to behold.

............And so it is. Here I begin, a new life, a new look, a little scarred & weary, but with a beating heart & lungs full of air.

Chapter 1:

Aubrey is 20 months old!!!

2010-02-19T15:58:00.004-06:00

My, my...... it's been quite a while. There is so much to say, so many stories & pictures, and countless updates...... And I'm soooo behind!! So, I will just start with today.

HAPPY 20 MONTH BIRTHDAY, BREEZY!!!!!

-You are running around & getting more and more brave everyday.

- You are funny & silly. You love to laugh!

- You are still my happy little angel, even though you have slipped into the "terrible two's".

- Your speech is slowly coming, and your little pacifiers are mostly only allowed at night now. Even when you manage to sneak on by me, I've stayed strong & reminded you that you are more than welcome to lay in bed all day with your pacifiers...... but if you want to get out of bed.... they have to stay there. (Mostly, you are okay with this now.)

- You LOVE music. Mommy is now watching my first season of American Idol...... and you my little shadow, love watching it too. We curl up in bed (sometimes Mommy even does breakfast or dinner in bed while we watch our taped show), and you always clap for everyone who sings! You are such a little encourager..... even to those who don't sing so well, you are right there cheering them on!

- You have 4 favorite books that we read constantly.

- You know 5 or 6 colors now, and will always show them to me when I ask ....."where are the pink flowers?" Even though you aren't saying them yet, you sure do know what I'm asking.

- You love, love, love your Bailey dog. Every time we get in bed, you check on him, pat him, and hug him..... both at night & first thing in the morning. It always melts my heart.

- You almost have 16 teeth now! (your working on those stinking eye teeth right now)

- You love baths & even showers sometimes with mommy.

- You love to feed the birds, AIRPLANES, going in the car, avocados, chex mix (but only the chex part), animals, shoes, "organizing" & then re-organizing things, riding in your wagon (I'm sooo ready for warmer days -so we can do this more), the movies Bolt & Monsters Inc, your stuffed animals, gummy snacks, Gatorade, you silly little "baby" sippy cup still, smoothies, playing with your friends, going to the park, people watching, propping up in bed next to me, fluffy pillows, bare feet, pretending, taking pictures, snuggling, telling the dogs what to do, ............ SO MUCH more.... but your waking up from your nap now.... so Mommy will add more later!

Bree, my heart grows everyday..... and just when I think I couldn't possibly love you anymore..... my heart grows again. I love you more than Mommy could ever fully explain. You are my sunshine, my reminder of God & a greater love, and you have forever changed the world......... just by being you!

These pictures were take on one of our very rare warms days lately. This winter has been so cold & has set records for the amount of snowfall. On this day, we asked our precious Bailey dog to go with us. Bree, you were very protective of him (especially now that he is nearly blind) and always told him to sit back down if he stood up & helped him do so. He is your little buddy, your first doggie you will ever have, and I love the way you too love each other! :)

Merry Christmas

2009-12-25T14:16:00.003-06:00

Poor neglected blog! I have several 1/2 way completed blog posts that I have yet to "publish", but I am hoping to complete them soon!

However, today.... I'm just going to say, Merry Christmas. There is much in this life to be thankful; for everyday we wake is a gift. I find the blessings all around me today, and I say thank you, Lord, thank you. Thank you for the most beautiful enchanting angelic little girl, whom I call my Daughter.

Aubrey, Merry Christmas, my little angel. You are the most glorious gift of mommy's life! I love you!!

Back post finally up........

2009-10-29T12:30:00.001-06:00

Our trip to the Arboretum, is finally up! Look back...... to the end of September to see some beautiful pictures of our adventure there. :)

Two Years Ago........

2009-10-27T16:19:00.003-06:00

Two years ago today, was one of the best days of my whole life!! The memories of that day, the emotions, and total praise will linger in my heart always! This is the date in 2007 that I found out that I was pregnant......... that I would finally be a Mommy!!! Thank you, Lord, for blessing me with the most angelic, intuitive, beautiful, graceful daughter in the world. Becoming a Mom has forever changed my comprehension and meaning of Love!

My oh my......16 Months Old!!

2009-10-19T16:08:00.002-05:00

Happy 16 month Birthday!!!!!

Angel, you are growing so quickly. I looked at you yesterday, and for the first time……. I really saw that you are a toddler now. Every post, I gasp at how quickly you are growing, and beg for you and time to stand still. I grasp so tightly to every moment that is passing that I often lose track of the present. So for this post….. (and I make no promises for the future) I will reveal in the present, and the gift that every moment is with you, my angel. Today I will lift my arms, bow my head, and praise God for this moment, this day, this adventure. I will not cling to the past, and I will not worry, wonder, and try and figure out the future. I will simple say, ‘Thank you, Lord, thank you’.

Aubrey, the gift of you, your life, your presence…………. Is more than enough for me. You have blessed me more than I could have ever imagined, and more than I ever deserved. You are God’s example to me of pure, all encompassing, never ending….. Unfailing LOVE. You are my greatest teacher, my greatest love, and my greatest blessing. And I say Thank you……..

Here is what is happing these days:

- Breezy loves Airplanes! She always hears them and points up, whether or not we are outside or in the house.

- She still isn’t saying very many words, but she does have specific sounds for certain things….. like the dogs, when she is telling the dogs to go away, when she hears Nani get home, for music she likes, when she is happy.

- Oh, and she will definitely let you know if anything has been left open or out of its place. She particularly dislikes the kitchen cabinets, refrigerator door, and microwave door being left open! Totally bugs her!!

- She also doesn’t like it when the dogs itch or lick their paws. I’m not sure if she learned it from me, by me telling them to stop doing that, or if is just bugs her. Oh, and when we are feeding all 5 dogs…. Yes 5, they all have to be fed separately with different food & in different areas. When Tate (our piglet of the bunch) wolfs down his food and goes looking for more from the other dogs, Bree puts her hand out in the stop positions, says “eeewwww…..oooohhhh”, and follows him around the house until all the dogs are finished eating!! It’s really hilarious!

- Breezy LOVES and I mean L-O-V-E-S being outside!! These Seattle type conditions Dallas has turned into lately definitely don’t sit well will Miss Bree. She gets so frustrated, bored, and cranky. She will go to the window or front door and just point outside or to the car……………like “get me out of here Momma”!!

- She has been really fussy for about a month or so now. I don’t know if it’s those stinkin’ teeth or what. I know all those horrible molars are on their way, but seriously………. Why do they have to be so painful and drawn out!! AHHHHH!

- She went to the Zoo for the first time this past month (I’ll be back –posting that entry with pictures….. so look soon), the Arboretum (also a soon to be back-posted entry), and then to the pumpkin patch for our 2nd year in a row (another back post). It’s crazy how just 1 year can totally change our experience at the Pumpkin patch!

- Aubrey and I still meet with our Fab Four frisco play group at least once a week. They are the best, and are pretty much the only ones I have let close to me for the last several months. Introvert + Devastation + Extreme Loss & Betrayal = Total Hermit Crab!! God definitely made some provisions for Bree and I, by bring this play group into our lives! I love you ladies, and your wonderful babies!! I love that Bree already has her first BFF’s!! They have now known each other and seen each other weekly for half of their little lives……… and they were all born within 2 weeks of one another. So very very cool!!

- Her hair seems to be getting longer and longer (mainly in the back). I can’t decide if it will stay curly or if the longer and heavier it gets, it will turn wavy or straight?

- Bree also loves shoes! And she has a pretty big foot……………. She is a size 6! HA! Maybe she will be tall?

- This month her Nani just couldn’t resist, and bought little Bree a bunch of little girl furnature! Everything is absolutely so adorable, but we are a bit limited with space lately. Hopefully we will get our own little place soon; so Breezy can have her own little room/playroom.

- I’ve also been painting her little finger nails and toenails (when she is sleeping & still), and she just looks absolutely adorable running around with little red fingernails and toenails. Such a girly girl at times!

- Bree is still a little bit of a picky eater, and still not the best sleeper…… but we’re dealin’. :)

- She also enjoys coloring now! I’ll post her latest Picasso type creations soon.

- Next up: Pumpkin carving and Trick or Treating…………… Stay tuned!!! :)

The Arboretum!!

2009-09-27T23:30:00.009-05:00

My mom, brother, Bree, and I all packed up and headed to the Arboretum! I haven't been there since I was about 17 and very into my photography days. It is still just simply beautiful out there!

We packed a picnic lunch, and just enjoyed walking around looking at all the stunning flowers and countless pumpkins and gourds. It ended up being much warmer than we thought it was going to be, so we took off a bit early. It was a beautiful fun day!!

She was throwing pumpkins....... :)

Angel

Looking for a pumpkin or gourd anyone?!?!?

So pretty. It reminded me of the trees in Central Park!

Look out for the bumble bee's....

Airplane!!!

Lunch time!

15 Months Old!!!!

2009-09-21T14:03:00.010-05:00

WOW!!! I can't believe our beautiful little Bree is already 15 months old!!! These past 5 years have been filled with so much drastic change, but it seems as though these past 3 months have been the some of the hardest and most unexpected of my life. The brightest light through it all is a little girl named Aubrey!! She fills my broken heart with love, lifts my spirits, brightens any room she walks/runs into, and is my everlasting example of God's love.......... even on days when I can't seem to find or feel it any where.

Here are some of the things Miss Breezy is doing these days:

-Waving to everyone, to doggies, to trees, to passing cars.......... It is so adorable!

- Saying "Momma" or some days "MOMMMMMA", "Dadda" or just "Dad", "Nonnna" for my mom, and "Ma" for her uncle Matt W. She also sort of says bye, and "D" for dog.

- She has 8 teeth now! 4 on top & 4 on the bottom!

- She Loves her butterfly/bug back pack & insists on wearing it around most everywhere, she loves airplanes, wind chimes, doggies, all animals really, birds, trees, long walks around the pond & park, getting out & about (walks, car rides, library time, playgroup.... etc.), snacking the day away, Gatorade with water, sippy cups, destroying blocks that mommy builds up for her, re-arranging everything HER way, carrying a purse with her always around the house, she is REALLY starting to love being read to (she will go pick out a book..... she has about 3-4 favorites right now, the she will bring it to you and turn around and plop down in your lap), she loves playing with any telephone (especially mine), pacifiers, banana Cheerios, brushing her teeth while mommy brushes hers, being outside,

- She dislikes diaper changing, open doors (especially microwaves & refrigerators), washing her hair, face, and ears, when mommy leaves the room, she doesn't like it when people wear glasses/sunglasses or hats....... she like to see your face, she doesn't much care for veggies, flies annoy her desperately (she will also wave her hands around when you say to her "shoe fly!"), and teething is the absolute WORST!!

- She also had her 15 month wellness visit with her pediatrician yesterday, and she did SO well! She even got a shot & blood taken........ and she didn't cry for even 1 moment. I was shocked! The doc said she is doing beautifully in development & growth...... and gave her an A++

Here are her stats:
Height: 31inches = 64 percentile
Weight: 23.14 = 68 percentile
Head: 18.5 inches = 81 percentile

Friends are the best!!! (even though I was a bit fussy this day)

Just the Girls!

Waiting for Dadda.......

She looks like such a big girl some days ......

B-e-a-u-t-i-f-u-l ANGEL

Trying to smell the flower.

Rockin' out in her new Tinkerbell chair.

Give a dog...... a lift! :)

2009-09-08T11:32:00.004-05:00

It sure is the little things that bring so much joy! Bree is such a little sweet heart! I have always known she is smart, but I didn't realize every little detail she really picks up on. Our old precious little dog, Bailey, has trouble seeing, jumping, and just getting around.... some days. So, every time it is nap time or bedtime, I put Bree in bed, then lean down and pick up Bailey and lay him at the foot of our bed. I never knew that Bree understood that he needed help, ......... until she started trying to lift him up & help him in bed the other day!!!!

Bailey pretty much thinks anytime we are in the bedroom, it must be time to get in bed. Well, as Bree and I were playing with some toys in our room the other day, Bailey was trying his hardest to get in bed. Bree simply walked over and began helping him.

I laughed 'til I nearly cried, and my heart just melted to see what a gentle sweet spirit my daughter has!!

"For happiness one needs security, but joy can spring like a flower even from the cliffs of despair."

-Anne Morrow Lindbergh

Slow me down Lord.........

2009-08-25T14:31:00.000-05:00

.....Slow Me Down, Lord ......Slow me down, Lord!

Ease the pounding of my heart by the quieting of my mind. Steady my hurried pace with a vision of the eternal reach of time. Give me, amidst the confusion of my day, the calmness of the everlasting hills. Break the tensions of my nerves and muscles with the music of the singing streams that live in my memory.Help me to know the magic restoring power of sleep. Teach me the art of taking minute vacations ... of slowing down to look at a flower, to chat with a friend, to pat a dog, to read a few lines from a good book.Remind me each day of the fable of the Hare and the Tortoise that I mayknow that the race is not always to the swift; that there is more to lifethan increasing speed. Let me look forward into the branches of the towering oak and know that it grew great and strong because it grew slowly and well. Slow me down, Lord, and inspire me to send my roots deep into the soil of life's enduring values that I may grow toward the stars of my greater destiny. Amen. By... Wilfred A. Peterson

Wishing

2009-08-25T13:54:00.001-05:00

I wish endings weren’t so heart breaking.

I wish beginnings weren’t so frightening.

I wish truth was easy to come by.

I wish loving somebody didn’t come with the possibility of loss & devastation.

I wish smiling didn’t hurt so much lately.

I wish I could see the bigger picture.

I wish aching didn’t over power me every time the numbness wears off.

I wish every song, movie, street, smell, joke, tear, night, didn’t remind me.

I wish this were all just a nightmare.

I wish life were simple.

I wish my heart wasn’t so innocent.

I wish I never believed.

I wish tomorrow begins with hope.

I wish that wishing made things so.

I wish Bree never ever feels an ounce of heartbreak.

I wish her life gives truth to the fairy tales.

I wish I could understand why.

I wish …………….

14 Months Old!!

2009-08-19T14:28:00.009-05:00

Bree, happy 14 month birthday, my little love!! I know I say this with every post, and I will probably continue to say it the rest of my life, but time goes so very very quickly!

You are such a little toddler now! You have the biggest heart, the most determined little mind, and the most glorious laugh & sense of humor. You my star, are my purpose, my drive, my direction, my reason, my reminder of God's love, my angel, my answered prayer, and my serenity. I love you with all of my being.
What's happening these days:
-You are teething .......again! (you have 6 teeth now & are working on some more)

- You point to everything now, and want to know what it is. Your new favorites are airplanes (my mom lives close to the McKinney airport..... so we see quite a few), wind chimes, birds, of course the dogs (all 5 of them), and trees.

- You love going to the pool, my little water baby. You have really enjoyed going to the Beach Club & playing in the sand too. (and you hardly ever try to eat the sand...... you just enjoy playing with it!)

- You regularly get your very own kids meals at restaurants whenever we go out or pick something up. (I can't believe I'm already ordering kids meals for you!!! But you love to be such a big girl!)
- You still take 2 bottles, 1 in the morning & 1 before bedtime.
- You love to be outside!
- You've got the beat!! Hahaha! You love to dance & bop your head to music. It always makes you (and me) smile!
- You have started spending your Saturday's with your Daddy. Last weekend was your first official Saturday with Daddy, even your Grandma Sue was in town to see you.

- You also now wave & say bye bye, clap your hands for yourself when you are proud of something or for the doggies, you do sign language for "more", and you can "give me five" too. (Which you then clap for yourself after you give me five........... and it is tooooo cute!!)
- Pacifiers are still one of the big loves of your life, but we are working on just having them at nap time & bedtime...... well & in the car too. (Guess we need to work a bit more on this one)
- Your hair is now so white now. After being at the pool so much lately, your hair is so light with just a little curl still in the back.
- You love to carry around your very own "purse" (which is basically any small thing that has a strap that you can put on your arm). It's very girly & cute.
- You had your first, second, third...... meal of spaghetti & love it! - You also attended your first Baseball game with your best boy friend, Austin.

At the beach with your BFF's

Yummmmmy!!

Girly, girl!

Pop-cicles taste so good & feel so good on teething gums!

Baseball time with Austin

"Better in Time"

2009-08-14T09:15:00.000-05:00

A bit cheesy, I know, but I can't seem to get this song out of my heart today.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VrNoDUblAtE

Summer = Watermelon Fun! :)

2009-08-10T07:58:00.004-05:00

Every day I have been trying to think of something fun & silly for Bree & I to do. It is a rough time in our lives, and I only want Bree to feel goodness & love around her, instead of sadness. So, one of the "adventures" we have had is........... enjoying Bree's first watermelon. About a week and a half ago, my mom & brother helped me cut up Aubrey's first watermelon. We all headed out to my mom's patio (me, Bree, my mom, brother, and 5 dogs.......... yes I said 5 dogs). Uncle Matt was in charge of the cutting, mom & I were in charge of the pictures & handing out of the yumminess, and Bree and the doggies were in charge of the the eating! :) It was so cute & fun! Luckily, Bree's bath was already waiting for her once she ate and squished the last of the watermelon. :)
Here are some of the 124 pictures I took:

Aubrey's first bite............. Yummmmmmy!! :)

Always sharing with her doggies..........

Her very own container to eat & squish...... :)

Uncle Matt's dog Bella..... lovin' her some melon!

It might be upside down.... but it's still sooo good!

Splashing in watermelon juice is good too!

Thank you Uncle Matt for sharing your piece with me.

Rudy wanted his very own piece too. :)

And warm bath........ here we come!! :)

When

2009-08-09T12:54:00.004-05:00

When will the lies quit unfolding?
When will the heaving of my chest stop it's contracting?
When will the ache in my bones leave my body?
When will I wake up in the morning with breath in my lungs, instead of tears in my eyes?
When will I look in the mirror and trust that I am enough, even though he thought not?
When will I breathe again without a knot in my stomach and a lump in my throat?
When will I trust ever again?
When will crackling storm of his lies and betrayals lull to a simple humming?
When can I trust my heart again?
When will God lift us up from this pain?
When will hope return to my being?
When O when will I be loved?

I miss her so........

2009-07-25T13:08:00.002-05:00

Today, would have been my Nanny's 81st birthday. I love & miss her so very much. I often still can't believe that she is gone.
http://thesappfamily.blogspot.com/2008/09/my-nanny.html?zx=c69e161bc08181e2

I love you Nanny, and I am still celebrating you on this very special day!!

With all my love..... now & always!!

10 years & 3 1/2 months..............

2009-07-10T15:04:00.005-05:00

That's when it all began, 10 years & 3 &1/2 months ago. Here, on my 4th wedding anniversary............ I sit back & look at it all.

I prayed & prayed all through high school that God would lead me to the man I should/would spend my life with. I prayed that He would bring us together while we were still so young & "unpolluted" by the world. I had vowed to God to stay pure until marriage. I wore an abstance ring from the time I was 14 years old. It was actually what I asked for on my 14th birthday.....an abstance ring.

I met Nick in March of 1999, toward the end of my senior year in high school. I liked him immediately. We officially began our relationship March 26, 1999. I was scared, and I didn't let him too close for awhile. I was scared of falling in love with him & getting hurt. I kept him at a distance for sometime, because I was so frightened to trust him. Most of the men in my life, had let me down & hurt me very badly.......... I didn't want it to happen again.

A month after we started dating, Nick told me he loved me. I waited. I only wanted to say it, when I knew 100% that I too loved him. Two months later, I realized I did love him. I was in-love with him.

I was frightened about what that meant & what would happen with us leaving for separate colleges soon. Nick debated for a while, and finally came to me and said...." I want to be with you.... I want to spend my life with you.... We will make it work." I felt relief in some ways, yet heartbroken in others. I felt that God had finally lead me to the man who would eventually become my husband, and I didn't want to leave his side...... ever.

College came and we struggled with the distance. I worried about Nick's faithfulness due to the distance & because of his drinking Thursday-Saturday every week. I drove him crazy with questions, but ultimately I trusted him. I also gave him my most treasured gift - my virginity. I felt hew was going to be my husband, and my commitment to him was written in stone in my heart.

After lots of fighting and trouble between us at the end of our Freshman year in college, Nick broke up with me through an email and immediately began dating someone else. A girl I had met. A "friend" of his that lived in his dorm. During his relationship with her, he refused to talk to me, and only called me up when he was drunk. I was heartbroken. I guess their relationship wasn't very deep, because 2 days after returning home for the summer, Nick started calling me. I fell back in ......quickly. Nick swore that he never slept with this other girl, and that I was the only girl for him. I believed it all.

I transferred to Texas Tech to be with the man I loved. I left the college I loved in Austin with a scholarship, wonderful friends, and I hurt my family. I was convinced that Nick was suppose to be my husband; so I made the sacrifices & moved to be with him.

College life together.... finally was up & down. It was college. We roughed it, struggled some, fought some, but I thought our love was truly stronger & above it all. I truly had that much faith in our relationship & in Nick. He had a bunch of classes with primarily girls. He was active in an academic organization which he eventually was president of, that was mostly woman. He had several close girl friends that he hung out with & studied with often. I worried. I questioned. Nick got mad..... often, and I said I was sorry for my worries. Despite it all, I loved this man with all my heart. We wore promise rings all through college, as an outward display of the commitment we had already made to each other.......... that we would be married.

I waited and waited for Nick to "officially" propose to me. For in all honesty, my hearts dream & one desire has always been to be happily married and to have a family. Nothing fancy. No mansions & boats, tiaras or vacation homes............ I just wanted a happy & loving family. I believed if I had the right man who loved me with all his heart and was true to me - we could face all that life could bring us.

Nick finally proposed to me, 3 months after I graduated from college, on September 3, 2004. I was filled with so much joy that it was finally official!!

Nick graduated 3 months after our engagement, and we bought our first home together in Little Elm with the help of my Real Estate license & knowledge of the area.

We were married July 10, 2005 on a Sunday afternoon at 4pm. We were married, we were married, we were finally married. I was so thankful for it all. And I was so happy that Nick and I had been together so long, I thought the longevity of our serious relationship & commitment..... brought so much strength to our marriage. I desperately wanted a baby..... but that would come later.

Nick excelled at work, and although I missed him terribly, I was so proud he was doing so well. During the first 2 years of our marriage, Nick work in New York City with a huge client of his, Goldman Sacks. He was gone 6-12 week stretches at a time. I missed him so, but was so proud of him.

During his first big working trip out to NYC, I got news back from my OBGYN from my routine check up. It wasn't good. They let me know that I had a serious STD that could possibly cause cancer, and that I needed to get in very soon for a biopsy. I was devastated and terrified. I called Nick and asked him if he had ever cheated on me............. and where the hell this could have come from. He acted dumbfounded, and he convinced me it must have come from the girl he DID sleep with while we were broken up that short period our freshman year in college. Heartbroken & numb - I bought it. My mom went with me to the biopsy,and alone I waited for the call on whether or not I had cancer......10 days. Something I have now gone through, by myself, five additional times now.

I did not, nor do I now (that I know of) have cancer. I am, however, considered extremely high risk pre-cancerous. The virus Nick gave me, has already begun changing my body, and the risk of me developing cancer in the next 5-10 years is very high.

After every exhausting examination & waiting period for that dreaded phone call, I would ask Nick if he was sure he had told me everything. He always said yes, and multiple times made me feel so badly for questioning him - I apologised to him for questioning his fidelity.

Beginning in 2007, Nick finally agreed to try and start a family. This was only after he realized the cancer risk to my body, and that if anything advanced or changed in my body........... I might not be able to have or carry a baby. After 10 months of trying, it happened. I got pregnant! I was the happiest I have ever been in my entire life throughout my whole pregnancy. God had blessed us with a baby. All of my wants & dreams had seemed to have come true. So, I thought.

Bliss found me, and her name is Aubrey Katelynn Sapp. She was born 3 days after my 28th birthday, and is without a doubt the absolute love of my life! Her 1st year of life went so quickly, and Nick & I had our ups & downs........... but were honestly beginning to talk about having another baby.

We had our first date night since Bree's arrival. It was on Father's day this year, June 21st, 2009. I had my mom watch our now 1 year old, and Nick & I went out. We saw a movie and went to Dave n' busters. We had an absolutely awesome time together. I truly felt more in love with him and more love from him than I had felt in quite some time.

Then he dropped a bomb on me that shattered our world. During one of my occasional questions to him ...... of "are you sure there isn't anything you've never told me?"..... he hesitated. My heart dropped and I knew something was there. He first told me that yes, he had kissed someone else, a girl (well 1 of 3) that I had always mistrusted. He swore at first that they only kissed and that it only happened once. Then 5 min. later, he started crying & told me that yes he had actually slept with her too, in our bed during college. He told me graphic & specific details of what happened. He cried & said how sorry he was. Two days later he sat in my counselors office & cried & told her the same story. He swore that I knew it all now, and that he would do any and everything to repair our life together.
I was crushed & heartbroken, and in the back of my heart and in the pit of my stomach..... I feared there was more. I was right, 3 days later he sat with me again, crying, and told me that the first story was a total lie. He had slept with that girl, but it didn't happen in anyway in that he told me. It didn't even happen in Lubbock but in Dallas. He swore it only happened once & that they had only kissed on other occasions.
I felt there was still more. There was. I pushed & pushed, and he finally admitted that there was another girl that he had slept with multiple times. (another girl of the 3 that I had always worried about)
He promises that I do indeed know it all now. Hard to believe anything at all now. He also left for several days to be with his parents, who live out of state..... right after he dropped this hand grenade in my face & in my heart.
Since his return, he has yet to shed even 1 tear in my presence. He has also adopted a new attitude & motto that "he is only human." Meaning to me that being human means it is okay to be unfaithful to your wife or future wife. It is okay to give her a life threatening STD and lie about it for years. It is okay to have your scared wife wait alone during biopsies and phone calls about results. It is okay..... because we all make "mistakes." Hard to believe......when such "mistakes" were repeated & repeated & repeated. If that makes you human........... than I must be an alien, for I know not how to induce such pain on those I love.
I loved this man, yes. I loved him with an innocent heart and a pure body. I trusted this man despite doubts in my head about these other woman. I loved, trusted, was proud of and for this man I married, I held his hand and walked beside him, God blessed us with and angel above all angels of a daughter, and all I have ever asked for in return was time with him, honesty, and fidelity.

My heart is broken beyond repair, and now my body bares the disease of his sins. This is not "fixable", especially not with his new "get over it" attitude.

Our marriage is coming to an end. I am sick & sad, but I will survive. Although, I am surprise that his own family, who vowed to stand by myself & my daughter..... as well as their son, upon learning of all of these things........have yet to contact me or reach out to me even once, since Nick has returned from his trip with them. I quickly see were loyalties stand.

You may all be wondering why I have chosen to write so openly about such personal & hurtful things. Well, I have chosen to share all of this for 3 reasons:
1. This blog is about & for my daughter. One day, I want her to know that she was conceived in love and that mommy did love daddy with all of her heart.
2. My personal texts and or emails I have sent Nick after his "coming clean" with me, have been forwarded to others & and or shared with whom ever he has chosen. Therefore, I felt that if this letter & my writings were going to be shared......... I should be the one sharing them.
3. I have nothing to hide. I feel that those of you who read my little blog, care for & about both me & my daughter. Therefore, I beg you all for your thoughts, prayers, and energy at this time. This is the most devastating time of my life, and I do need support. I ask that you pray for my daughter & myself....... that tomorrow might be a brighter day.

Thanks & love,
Allison

Basic Vocabulary Lessons

2009-07-05T18:44:00.003-05:00

Be-tray: to act in a way that is contrary to a promise made

Fake: a person or thing that appears or is presented as being genuine but is not

Bro-ken: in two or more pieces, e.g. after having been dropped or struck with something hard

De-stroy: to demolish something or reduce something to fragments

Unfaithful: to have a sexual relationship with somebody other than a spouse or regular sexual partner

"If an intelligent person is betrayed repeatedly, and humiliated publicly, yet chooses to remain in that situation, one must ask: what are the rewards?" Gail Sheehy Vanity Fair

Aubrey's 1st Birthday Party!!!!

2009-06-21T10:57:00.006-05:00

Aubrey's 1st birthday party was awesome!! It was just a small gathering of mainly family & very close friends. We ate hot dogs & hamburgers, opened presents, and ate cake (bree looved the icing!!!). It was a beautiful day, and Aubrey's Princess themed party was a hit! By the way, it was Daddy's idea for a princess b-day party.... which I think is just too funny! My mom found Bree the most beautiful Disneyland style princess dress, and Aubrey just looked like a doll! It was such a fun day! I will post more pictures & videos later........ but here is the summary of her little day! :)

Bree's Big cake! It turned out a little more jungle like than princess like...... but still cute & yummy! Hahaha!! ( I think this little princess looks a bit like miss Piggy!)

Cousins & friends!

Yummmmy cake!! Here mommy.... you try!

Pretty pretty princess!!

Aubrey's very own cake!! Smash away baby!!

Cousins! Sutton & Bree (they are just about 10 weeks apart in age)

Birthday Girl!

ONE ...... Happy 1st Birthday Angel!!!!

2009-06-19T06:00:00.000-05:00

My Dearest Aubrey, my precious star, my light, my love.....................

Today is the very 1st Anniversary of your birth!! I can't believe it has already been a whole year since my deepest longing, my hearts desire, my every wish came true.............. YOU!!

You arrived at 7:48pm on a Thursday night, 15 days early..... but not a moment too soon. You were a whole 7Lbs 5 oz., with the smallest of white peach fuzz covering your beautiful little head.... and eyes that absolutely pierced my soul with first gaze.

Your first nights home were but a dream, both hard for me to fully remember & difficult for me to believe. How could the most beautiful and most perfect angel be snuggled into my chest, nursing softly next to my heart, breathing in and out with the sweetest breath I've ever smelled.........How, oh, how could this angel be ours??? I thought over and over again.

You grew so quickly, almost too quickly.... just as all had warned. You soon began smiling & cooing; thus, melting my heart into the pool of mush it has become since your birth.

You then began laughing and rolling over. Through my tears of pure joy, I laughed with you. Sprouts of your little personality sprung forth from you day by day, and your silly wit, giving heart, and loving spirit became more and more obvious in each passing moment.

Then, as if over night, you started crawling, babbling, and sadly stopped nursing. Not by any fault of yours, but for Mommy's own health reasons, we had to move you on to formula. I still remember that last night that I held you so tightly to me as you nursed. I wanted it to last forever, and I quietly cried & cried while you nursed yourself to sleep. (February 16, 2009) I was so blessed to be able to nurse you as long as I did, and for my body to continue to nourish your body for almost 8 full months. I was just so sad to see it end. I cried when the rest of your umbilical cord fell off, my love...... so, you can only imagine how sad I was to stop nursing.

Anyway, your quick transition to formula went pretty well once mommy & daddy found a bottle you would take. Then before we knew it, you were off growing even more. Soon, you started pulling up on everything and standing all by yourself. You held on tightly to Mommy's hands, as you walked any and everywhere. And like everything you do, I saw the longing in your eyes to do it all by yourself...... to truly be a "big girl". My angel, if you could but only hear & understand me say, "you have your whole life ahead of you to be "big"....... so, please, stay "small" as long as possible!!!"

So, here we are now. You my precious Love, are 1 year old. You can now walk all by yourself, say mammmma and dadddda all the time, chase the doggies with your push/walking toys, you laugh at both your parents and yourself, and you .... in all of your genius (you little mensa child you) will hopefully some day understand how much you are loved. I know their are many who would scorn me for saying this or feeling this, but you my love, are my purpose. My reason for existence. My drive to get out of bed each morning, and the reason for the smile on my face & in my heart. You are my happy ending, my ever after, my once upon a time - come true, and I shall thank God for you every day there is breath in my body.... and then some. I love you baby girl, and I celebrate with my whole being the gift & miracle that you are! Happy 1st birthday angel....... no matter how old you are........ you will forever be my baby!

29

2009-06-17T13:12:00.002-05:00

Yes, yesterday was my 29th birthday. I can't believe it, the last in my 20's. That seems so strange to me. Anyway, I had a wonderful day. Nick took off work, watched baby girl, and I went out for the day. It was so nice to get out & about without worrying about my little monkey. I even turned my ringer off on my phone. I did a little much needed shopping. I have only bought 2 shirts post pregnancy. And with baby girl turning ONE on Friday, I feel I can no longer make excuses for still wearing my maternity shirts around. Plus, I had 6 gift cards to various stores that have been piling up for 2 years. Ridiculous.
So, I shopped a little bit for both Bree & I, grabbed some lunch at the mall, shopped a tad more, and then darted to a movie! Yay! I love movies, and I haven't been to one without Bree since her birth. I saw The Hangover, which was pretty funny. Then I ran home, changed clothes, and jumped in the car with Nicky and Bree to meet my Mom & brother for a birthday dinner. Afterwards, we went to my mom's for presents and cake, and by the time we got home we were all just totally exhausted!
I truly couldn't have asked for a better more peaceful birthday to wrap up my twenties! Thank you all for your sweet cards, notes, and phone calls.............. I truly had a beautiful day!! :)

Stinkin' Blubbery Mess.........

2009-06-15T18:17:00.002-05:00

Yes, that would be ME! Deep breath, deep breath...................... my baby is about to be ONE! I just finished writing Miss Bree's birthday letter, and yes, I'm still crying. So ridiculous! Phew..... didn't think I would be quite this emotional. Stay tuned for Aubrey's birthday updates, pictures, and writings...... I'm sure there will be a plethora of all.

We have a walker............

2009-06-13T08:43:00.002-05:00

Bree has been taking steps here & there for nearly two months, but all of a sudden last night, she just took off!

One week

2009-06-12T18:04:00.002-05:00

In just one short week, our precious little girl will turn 1!!! I just can't believe it!! A whole year (nearly) has passed since I was pregnant?!? The first year of Aubrey's life is almost over..... and we will have a toddler?!?! My God...... please, help me hold on tightly to all the precious moments that fly through our hands daily, like sand in the wind.

......I have a feeling that this is going to be a rather emotional week for me!

Wordless Wednesday + Videos

2009-06-03T11:25:00.005-05:00

Grass + Aubrey = Funny

2009-05-26T17:50:00.003-05:00

Aubrey is so funny!! As soon as our grass started turning green, I tried to let her stand up & walk around in it. Well, she didn't like that plan! Hahahaha!! So, when my mom & brother were over for the holiday weekend....... we showed them Miss Bree's reaction to grass! Matt taped it for us while we all laughed! :-)

Happy 11 month Birthday to my beautiful little girl!!!!!!!! (long post)

2009-05-19T22:34:00.004-05:00

Aubrey,
Mommy just can not believe that you are nearly 1 year old! It is so difficult for me to believe that this time last YEAR, I was running around trying to prepare everything for your most anticipated arrival. Although, you weren't due until July 4th, I turned into the most hyperactive "nester" at the beginning of June. I guess it was a good thing, my love, because you were 15 days early!
Sweet girl, every day you grow & change..... and simply amaze me. Someone once told me that I, as your mother, am here to protect & provide for you, and that you were here to teach me. I believe that is true. You teach me..... you teach us all...... what can not be written in a book, learned in a class room, or measured by any testing. You teach me unconditional, unrelenting, forever growing love. You remind me of the simple glory and utter excitement in the smallest of life's daily happenings. I see the wonderment in your eyes when you clap for yourself, when you lose yourself in laughter at the doggies being silly, and when you taste & see things for the first time. You, my littlest teacher, are God's most glorious work, and Mommy & Daddy's most treasured blessing.
I love you my baby girl.... to the stars, moon, and back again.

You have learned SOOO MUCH this past month. I almost feel badly that I didn't make a separate post for each of the new things you have done. :( Here is what you are doing these days:
- Saying Mommmma Mommma Momma so much now!!! (I love it..... even when you are screaming it! Haha)
- You have also said what seems like Dadda a few times too!
- You have turned into a super star crawler. And by that I mean, you are fast as lightening!!
- You still love to walk with mommy holding your hands, or by holding on to anything around you.
- You continue to take 1-3 steps alone every once in a while.
- Lately, you are getting more brave & are letting go of things & just standing on your own. You have even stood up all by yourself & then stood there and clapped for yourself.
-OH, and you learned to clap this month! It is soo cute! You even seem to know when to clap!!
- You still take a bath every night with mommy, and unfortunately you are still not sleeping through the night most nights.
-Mommy has gotten into the worst habbit of actually just sleeping with you in the guest room. So, mommy & daddy are researching video monitors..... in the hopes of getting you back to your own little bed.
- You love your doggies, and often give them open mouth kisses. (Mommy trys not to imagine the germ factor!) They love you too, and always want to kiss you or check on you....... and they especially love sitting close to you when your in your high chair eatting! ;-)
- You are still very much a pacifier baby! You LOVE your pacifiers, but Mommy is gradually trying to only let you have time when you are upset or going to sleep.
- Your hair is really starting to come in now, and it is just beautiful! There are some days that I see hints of strawberry blonde and other days you just look really blonde. You also have a bunch of curls poping up in the back. SO, so cute!!
- You have started getting a little ........hmmmm, let's say firey. Somedays, I definately think we have already hit toddler hood! Let's just say, at this point anytime Mommy says "OUCH," you laugh at me. :(
- You got your final big girl car seat this month, and you are so much more comfortable. I look back at you sometimes, & you are just streched out & passed out!
- You share anything you have. You share your toys with others, your pacifer with mommy, and your food with the doggies. You really do have a giving heart!

Here are some pictures of you at your 11 month Photo Shoot:

"Gratitude can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. It makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow." -Melody Beattie

Bree, I am so grateful for you my love!

Springtime, Gardening, and Photos......

2009-05-17T19:10:00.027-05:00

..................what could be better!?!

I'm not the best at gardening, but I do love planting flowers, bulbs,...... and trees. Honestly, I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing. I just tend to pick out things that I think are pretty & try them out. A couple of years ago, I planted tons of bulbs all around our house, and I am always surprised every season at what comes up. It's kind of fun. I also convinced Nick maybe three or four years ago, that we needed a peach tree. This is the 3 year it has produced edible peaches! It's so neat, because in the mornings lately, Bree & I will just walk outside and pick our peach for breakfast! And they are so sweet & yummy too!!

This weekend, Nick was doing some yard work, and Bree and I decided to join him. We really weren't much help...... more or less I saw it as a great opportunity to spend some more time with Daddy...... as well as have a fun photo shoot! I found this awesome watering can a few weeks back, and I couldn't wait to show Bree & let her play with it. She seemed to have fun sticking her little hand and mouth (haha) in the water ...wherever it came out!

Here a some..... excessive photos of our flowers, peaches, and the beautiful Miss Bree!!

My 1st Mother's Day

2009-05-10T22:34:00.004-05:00

Nick was Lubbock, helping his brother celebrate his wonderful achievement of graduating from Law school. He made his way back to dallas mid-afternoon. So, Bree & I had the morning all to ourselves. She even laid back down again, and let her momma get a little extra sleep! Woot!! Then, we met my mom & brother for a late brunch. After our tummies were all full, we headed back to my house for some mother's day gifts & family time. My mom made me some beautiful pictures of Bree & I that we will be hanging up in her room. Nick got me a "day at the spa" gift card..... which sounds amazing! And all & all ....it was just simply a wonderful mother's day!!

I know... yuck.... but I used a bunch of sanitizing wipes

on this table before Bree got her little hands on it! It was fun times!!

Walking off our brunch with Uncle Matt

My love...

Loving Motherhood....

Three generations!!! (Don't mind me mid-blink) :)

Writings from my journal.........

Today, I sit & reflect.

I sit here & realize that Mother's day (for me at least)

isn't truly a day to celebrate me, but a day to celebrate the fact that I am a mother.

A mother to the most glorious child I have ever met.

A day to bask in the bliss that being a mother has brought me.

Mother's day is a celebration of the pure wonderment found in being a mother.

A day to praise all the other mothers & women in my life, who have helped teach me how to be a mother.

Today is not only my first mother's day, but my first mother's day without my grandmother, my nanny. That still stings.

I wish so much that Aubrey could have had some memories with her amazing great-grandmother.

It's strange to me, to be stepping up to motherhood & the celebration of motherhood, without a grandmother.

Although, I have gratitude in my heart & in my being for not just my grandmother but my mother, as well. I was fortunate enough to be surrounded by beautiful, strong, loving, and supportive women all my life. I knew my granny (great-grandmother), my nanny, and my mom all loved & cherished me. They each have helped me become the mother that I am, and I celebrate them!

I sit here & cherish my mother, my daughter, all the women that I love in my life .... both present & not, and the love that flows from the beyond. Today & everyday...... I am grateful for the gift of motherhood.

Congratulations Uncle Matt Sapp!!

2009-05-09T21:21:00.000-05:00

Uncle Matt S. graduated from Law School today!! Way to go Uncle Matty, we are so proud of you!! Good luck next year in Houston to you & Morgan, and try to hurry back to DFW!! :)

Bree & I are sorry we weren't there to help celebrate, but we hope to see you soon!

(Sorry Matt........ All I could find was a picture of Aunt Morgan!)

Investing in my beliefs......

2009-05-05T10:10:00.000-05:00

I've seen that Sarah Mclachlan TV commercial for the ASPCA about a dozen times. I cry every time. Today, I saw it for the last time. I logged on to the web site & committed to a monthly donation. You can pick your amount, and even if it's $5 a month. Can you think of a better way to spend a couple bucks a month than helping animals?? I can't. I love animals sooo much, and I am absolutely heart sick about the amount of animals that are abused, neglected, and killed every day here in our country.

If you are interested, I'd encourage you to give whatever you can. Abuse, neglect, and death, can only begin to change for these precious animals with our awareness & help.

Here is the web site, if you are interested.
http://www.myaspca.org/

Here is the video that will always make me cry.

Don't close your eyes to what is happening....... please help if you can.

Good Bye Oldie..... Hello Moo Moo

2009-05-04T17:49:00.012-05:00

Today I had Miss Bree's big girl car seat installed! I was kind of excited for her to get in her new car seat (with the cool animal print). Her big girl car seat sets up higher, & I think she might enjoy being able to see out a little better. Although, I'm going by the rules & still doing the rear facing position. Some people say you can go by weight, but I've read to go by age rather than weight for safety purposes. As soon as she hits 1 year, we will be flipping that car seat right around! I can't wait to look back & see her beautiful little face! :)

Anyway, it was also kind of sad. :( I brought her home in this car seat from the hospital, and to think that this was the last day she would ever be little enough to ride in it was kind of sad. I know, I'm probably just being ridiculous..... but nevertheless, I was a tiny bit sad when I set her old baby car seat in the garage this afternoon.

(Side note: By the way, you can have the local police department install car seats at no charge. I did this with her first car seat & now with her new one. It's pretty cool, because not only do they install it perfectly.... they will show you what to do with out you having to sift through all those instructions. I like that part! Ha! Officer Nick Saraceni of the Frisco PD off of Stonebrook Parkway # 972-292-6136, is incharge of the whole car seat safety stuff. He has worked with me both times & done a great job.)

Getting in our old car seat one last time......

"Where are we off to now Momma?..." :)

Gotta get in one last nap on the way to the Police Station....

WooHooo...... check out my new ride.....

And..... My first nap in the Moo Moo mobile.....

To My Golden Ladies......

2009-04-30T10:42:00.002-05:00

Anyone who knows me at all, knows I am a die hard Golden Girls fan! I totally grew up watching them, and love to watch the reruns that still play. I use to watch Golden Girls with my Nanny (my grandma), and with the passing of the wonderful Bea Arthur this weekend....... I have been missing my Nanny even more.

Rest in peace Ms. Bea Arthur & Ms. Estelle Getty....... you will be missed!!

Here's to my Golden Ladies, please sing along my fellow fans. :)

My Sunshine on a rainy day.........

2009-04-28T15:25:00.004-05:00

My little love bug, just seems so big to me these days! She even tried out her little rocking chair that her Grandma & Grandpa White gave her. She looked so proud of herself....... and like such a big girl at the same time!

I love you my crazy little monkey girl of a (almost) toddler!!

SURPRISE........

2009-04-26T12:35:00.020-05:00

Last weekend, I had a surprise 60th Birthday for my Mom. Her actual birthday isn't until tomorrow, but we wanted to throw her off as much as we could. Nevertheless, I'm pretty sure she figured out we were doing something, but I don't think she was totally expecting a big party. It went really well, and all of our close friends & family were there to help celebrate my momma! Here are some pictures...........

walking in the door...

Making a wish....

Ann & Mom

Linda & my Mom have been friends since 5th grade!

Bree playing her little heart out...

Good Friends...

Family...

We love you so much Mom/ "Nani"!!!

DOUBLE DIGITS!!!! Happy 10 Month Birthday!!!!

2009-04-19T22:01:00.002-05:00

What do you get when you mix a teething baby with a mid/late day photo shoot??? A fussy, mad, suddenly happy, then sad, up and down emotional roller coaster baby shoot. What can we say...... we did our best. Here is Miss Bree's 10 month photos................

My sweet angel, this has been such a big month for you!

- JUST TONIGHT....... YOU TOOK YOUR FIRST TWO STEPS ALONE (You were standing up, holding on to the bath tub..... probably looking for your bath toys... waiting for Mommy to finish brushing her teeth. Then you turned to me, and before I could get to you..... you let go of the tub & walk the 2 big girl steps into my arms!!!!)

- You walk around holding my hands or holding on to furniture.

- You like to sneak your food to Cooper while in your high chair. I'm pretty sure you think you are pulling a fast one on Mommy & Daddy. But your laughing gives it away, my love. :)

- You make the funniest high pitched girly noises.

- You no longer sleep through the night! :( I think the 3 or so weeks you did, you were just teasing Mommy.

- You are in the process of cutting your first tooth!!!! I spy one little white spot in the bottom, but I know the one right next to it is on its way too.

-You are phasing out "baby food" and on your way to straight "big people" food.

- Your new favorites are fresh Strawberries, mashed potatoes, zucchini with butter & spices, and of course mac & cheese. OH, and yogurt is just a must at most meal times.

- Your little hair is growing more & more. You are looking more & more like a strawberry Blonde to Mommy & Daddy.

Baby girl, 10 months ago, I never ever could have understood the love I have for you now. It is so true, I feel like 1/2 of my heart is now walking around outside of my body. You are my light, my love, my favorite person ever created....... and I love & adore you with every ounce of my being. Happy double digits my little angel!!

Easter

2009-04-17T17:31:00.001-05:00

This year the Easter bunny had to put in a little extra effort and bring all the Easter goodies inside with the yucky weather. After we had our own little quite family Easter morning, we headed over to my Mom's house for yummy food & family time. Bree also got more Easter goodies there too. :)

Here is Bree opening up some wonderful Easter gifts (a few days early) from her Grandma & Grandpa Sapp.

Sunday Morning ........Easter Bunny goodness..... :)

Twirling our Easter dress.....
Off to Nani's house....

Thank you God for such abundant blessings!

Funny Noises and a Crash........

2009-04-16T13:06:00.000-05:00

Can you say Artist???

2009-04-10T12:10:00.006-05:00

Let me introduce you to Miss Aubrey Picasso! WoooHoooo! Not only did Miss Bree complete her first piece of art...... no, no, no....... she completed her first Series!!! Yeah, that's right I said series. We are calling it "Finger Painting Madness." All the major galleries are interested and have simply been hounding us for her work. No final decisions have been made just yet, but believe me....... it's gonna cost them!! Hahaha!!

Bree & I had a blast finger painting...... well smearing all the colors together..... then running to the bath tub afterwards. Yay for arts & crafts!!!!

SWIMMING......

2009-04-06T14:00:00.000-05:00

..... well, kind of! Nick & I bought a little baby blow up pool at target this weekend, and I just couldn't wait for Bree to try it out! I LOVED swimming as a kid and still do. Being a summer birthday girl myself, I pretty much always had pool parties as a kid. With Bree being born 3 days after my birthday, I'm guessing some pool parties are in her future too. :)

Anyway, Miss Bree absolutely loves bath time, and I hoped that she would also love swimming. So, on Saturday, it was really warm & beautiful. I blew up her little pool, carried bucket, after bucket of warm water from the house to the pool, and jumped in with her. Okay, well..... I barely fit, but I stayed in long enough with her that she was comfortable. Then I got out & let her just splash around. She really seemed to enjoy herself. I think she just though....... hummmm this is cool, I get to have my warm bath outside! Hahaha! :) The fun lasted about 10 min., and then she was pretty much done. The set up took way longer than the actual "swimming", but well worth it! She did great for her first time outside in a pool! And she took a wonderful nap afterwards!!

Here are some pictures of our little "swimming" beauty! :)

I told you.... I barely fit!!

I just backed away to see how she would do.

Loving it!Watching the doggies run around.

Coooper had to check on his little friend.

Staying warm with Momma after her swim. :)

New Friends......

2009-04-05T11:18:00.012-05:00

Bree & I have made several new friends via Frisco Forum, and have started a great new playgroup! There are 4 other Mommies & their babies in our new little group. It's pretty neat because all of the kiddo's were born withing 2 weeks of each other. In fact, one of the little boy's was born on the same day as Bree! There are 3 girls (including Bree)and 2 boys. Here are some of our pictures from our park playdate last week:

This is Bree's first time in a real swing! She did great! :)

Here are the two birthday buddies:

And she's off..........

2009-04-04T16:48:00.002-06:00

Drives........

2009-03-25T13:15:00.003-06:00

Lately, we (Bree & I) have been taking drives during some of her naps. Sometimes, when Bree is fighting a nap..... I can jump in the car & boom.... she's asleep. So, then I just drive around, listen to music, and enjoy some quite time. A couple of days ago, I enjoyed watching the most gorgeous sunset while Miss Bree had her last nap. Luckily, I rarely leave my house without my camera....... so, I tried to snap a quick picture of the beautiful water colored sky before me.

"I love to think of nature as an unlimited broadcasting station, through which God speaks to us every hour, if we will only tune in." ~George Washington Carver

"God writes the gospel not in the Bible alone, but on trees and flowers and clouds and stars." ~Martin Luther

I know, I know............ I'm obsessed with quotes! Oh well!

Stats

2009-03-24T12:52:00.002-06:00

Miss Bree had her 9 month wellness Doctor's visit on Monday, and here are her stats. Actually, here are all her stats since birth. I know this isn't very interesting info for most people...... but I have forgotten to post any of her stats in the past. I can't believe how big she is getting!!! It's going sooo fast!

Oh, and she also got her 2nd shot ever. I will post more about vaccines later, but basically we have decided to go with a very modified vaccine schedule. Our pediatrician is pretty alternative & a big believer in more holistic natural medicine, which is exactly what I wanted for Bree. Dr. Bain goes with what she calls the "1980's vaccine schedule". Anyway, I will go into more depth later if any one is interested, but Bree did awesome!! She actually cried more when they held her down to measure her, than she did getting the shot. WhooooHooooo for chubby baby legs!! :)

1 week old

6 lbs. 6 oz. = 12th percentile
20 inches = 64th percentile
Head Circumference 13 inches = 9th percentile

1 Month Old

8 lbs. 15 oz. = 42nd percentile
21 inches = 40th percentile
Head Circumference 14 inches = 11th percentile

2 Months Old

12 lbs. 3 oz. = 84th percentile
24 inches = 95th percentile
Head Circumference 15 inches = 28th percentile

4 Months Old

15 lbs. 7 oz. = 80th percentile
25.5 inches = 85th percentile
Head Circumference 16 inches = 33rd percentile

6 Months Old

17 lbs. 6 oz. = 76th percentile
26.5 inches = 77th percentile
Head Circumference 17.3 inches = 87th percentile

9 Months Old

20 lbs. 1.5 oz = 72nd percentile
27.75 inches = 56th percentile
Head Circumference 18 inches = 91st percentile

9 Months Old!!

2009-03-19T12:46:00.016-06:00

9 months old! I can not ...can not believe it! 9 months ago today, you my little Bree, pushed your way into this great big world and changed Mommy's life forever. You have such a sweet, bright, and gentle spirit that lights up my life. You my bright star, are my perfect match. I couldn't ask for or have wanted anyone other than you. I love you baby girl. You hold in your sticky little hands, Mommy's heart.... now & always!
You have done sooo much this past month! I feel like you have morphed into a toddler almost. You seem like such a big girl all of a sudden. It feels as if you went from itty bitty baby to big girl over night! Your little personality is really starting to come out. You are so funny and silly. It seems like you have Mommy & Daddy's same sense of humor. You even laughed at one of the dogs when they fell down the other day. Hahaha! You are a "watcher". It seems like you really take a moment to check people out to figure out what you think of them. You seem very intuitive to me. You are loving & sharing. You actually share your pacifier with Mommy now & put it in my mouth. Haha!
- You learned to crawl this month! (3-7-09) Although, you don't much care for it. You much rather hold Mommy's hands & walk around.
- You have tried lots of "real" food now (even though you don't have any teeth yet). You especially like guacamole, rice, pasta, and YOGURT!
- You try to play with the doggies now. You even try and share your food with Cooper while in your high-chair.
- You sleep through the night now!!!!! Let me repeat..... you sleep through the night now!!! WoooHooooo!! (That helps Mommy soooo much).
- You have 1-2 naps a day now, and a long bath with Mommy every night.
- You feed yourself puffs, yogurt melts, and all the other tiny toddler foods. You do such a good job, and you always look so proud that you can do it all by yourself!
- You love walks, outings, and car rides (if it is the right time of the day).
- You still like to take up residency on Mommy's hip, if your not holding my hands & walking around.
- You give hugs & snuggles now! (I LOVE IT) And you also get kind of bashful at times, which is just the cutest!
I love you sweet heart!

She did it, she did it, she did it........

2009-03-08T11:30:00.003-06:00

.............our little Bree CRAWLED!!!! I can't believe what a big girl she is already! Last night, Bree put it all together & crawled about 2 feet right in front of Nick. Nick called me in there, and she did it again! What a smart girl! :) I'll post a picture soon!

8 Months Old!

2009-02-21T13:27:00.010-06:00

My baby girl, you are 8 months old! I remember almost crying when you turned 1 week old..... now you are already 8 months! I feel like I'm going to blink and you are going to be 8 years old. It goes so quickly. It seems like in just this past 2 months you have gone from baby to toddler want a be! I love you so much sweet angel!
What Miss Bree is doing these days:
-Rolling, flipping, turning in circles........ basically desperately wanting to catch on to the crawling thing!
- Talking & giggling 1/2 the day away! :)
- Wants you to hold her hands & walk her around all of the time.
- Loves bath time, silly doggies, funny noises, music, action, action, action! :)
- This past week I unfortunately had to stop breast feeding for health reasons, but Bree has made a beautiful transition. Well, it has gone really well now that we have found a bottle she would take!!
- She has also slept through the night for 4 nights in a row!!!!!! What a wonderful blessing!!
- She has started waving some, and sharing her beloved pacifier with a few lucky people! So cute!
- Bree is also eating more baby food twice a day, and having some juice too.
- She has also graduated to the totally attached to Mommy mode! (If I hand her to someone else or leave her line of sight for a few seconds...... it's melt down time). It's just that stage I guess :)
- Still no teeth, but she is constantly chewing on any & everything. So, we'll see.

7 Months Old!

2009-01-21T20:22:00.003-06:00

Happy 7 month birthday my sweet angel!!!! (posting a few days late) Mommy is so proud of you sweet heart! You are changing so much every day & learning a million things every week.

You are now:

-Eating most all number 2 baby foods (although everyday the amount varies a bunch!)
- You are getting up and rocking on all 4's (I know you will be crawling soooo soon!)
-Just this week have started trying to wave (SOOO cute!!)
-No teeth just yet...... but I'm sure your little mouth has been hurting lately...... so I'm sure those little teeth are on their way
-Every once and a while you are sleeping through the night! WoooHooo! (hopefully that will get more consistent too)
- You usually have 2 naps during the day now
-You love your doggies! You try to touch, pat, and even kiss/lick them! Ha!
- You have started sticking your tongue all the way out to your chin (sooo funny)!
- You love our long walks when the weather is beautiful!
- You laugh & giggle at funny sounds, doggies, and lots of random things.
- You walk all around the house with Mommy holding your arms up!
- You now enjoy an afternoon snack (juice and a cracker/biscuit).
- Your hair seems to be growing so much now!! It is so light .... it is sometimes hard to see all of it..... but it is taking off now!! :)

You are the love & light of my life angel girl!!!! I love you with all of my being!

Special

2009-01-18T20:26:00.000-06:00

I just wanted to send a special thank you out there to a couple very special people in my life. You know who you are, and I just love & thank you for being in my life! You have made all the difference!

"A hundred times a day I remind myself that my inner and outer life depend on the labors of other people, living and dead, and that I must exert myself in order to give in the full measure I have received and am still receiving."

~Albert Einstein~

We're back..... almost!! :)

2009-01-09T10:51:00.003-06:00

First of all, Happy New Year to everyone!!! Wow! I am just totally out of the loop of everything! Bree is finally starting to come out of this RSV crap! YAY!! RSV s-t-i-n-k-s!!! RSV is a respiratory virus, and the Doc. says it has a honeycomb type effect in your lungs. So, basically, all of the sticky snotty stuff just attached to Bree's little lungs, making it really hard for her to cough it out! My poor sweet baby! We had/have her on a bunch of homeopathic stuff to lessen the RSV stuff, plus asthma type drops for her breathing. If any of you have ever had to take asthma meds., you probably know that they can make you kind of nervous at times. Well, shortly after we started on the drops, Bree started not sleeping well at all. I mean even before she got sick we had gone back to 3am or 4am feedings, but after she got sick we were up all hours of the night. I thought for a while that she just felt like crap & couldn't get comfortable. Then, she started getting up & staying up from 3-6am. So, I had know idea what was going on. My mom finally reminded me how nervous Albuteral use to make her. Genius! I had totally forgotten! So, we started trying to avoid doing all the meds right before bedtime. It has helped some. :) Bree is also slowly getting her appetite back! Yay!!! So, I think that will also help with getting more sleep!

Anyway, I will try to play catch up these next few days or so. Nothing like posting Christmas pictures a month later...... haha!

I hope everyone is well! Thank you all who have emailed, called, and prayed for our little Bree! GOOD BYE RSV...... please, please never return!! :)

It's Bad.... & Scary....

2008-12-31T13:10:00.004-06:00

Bree hasn't improved. I started worrying more last night that Bree's cough & runny nose seemed a little worse than it had been. She has refused baby food since last Friday, and has only been nursing & taking a little cereal right before bed. Then this morning, she wouldn't nurse. Since she is only nursing, we are back to 5am feedings, but this morning she just was to congested to even nurse a little. I waited in out until the Doctors office opened, and we got her in by 9am. We went over all the symptoms, listened to her lungs, looked at her ears.... etc. Then she started watching her chest, and decided to do a test for RSV. As soon as I even heard that she wanted to test for that, my heart just dropped. Then the test came back positive. Bree has RSV.
I'm still pretty scared, but the doctor feels as though Bree has a pretty mild case of it. Thank God, but I have just read & heard some petty scary stories about RSV that end up in the hospital. We did a breathing treatment in the Doctors office, and we are now on drops at home to help with breathing. The Doc thinks that will be enough, along with all the other homeopathic treatments & Tylenol. Unfortunately, RSV is a viral infection in the lungs ( http://kidshealth.org/parent/infections/lung/rsv.html ), and therefore, there isn't much you can do for it besides just wait it out. We just have to make sure she stays hydrated! The Doc also said it typically lasts about 2 weeks, and that we probably have another week to go. Poor baby! I just feel sooo bad for her!
I am already such a germ-a-phobe, but I have a feeling that is going to kick up even more now. Apparently, the RSV virus is highly contagious and very hard to kill!
I ask you all to please pray for our baby Bree! Pray that her little body is through the worst of it, and that more extensive treatments will not be needed!!

1st Cold.......

2008-12-29T14:10:00.003-06:00

It's official, Bree has her first cold! And I can't stand it!! I know it is normal for kids to have colds every now & then, but it is just so hard not being able to do anything to help them! I absolutely can't stand that I can't do anything to make it better right away. She has a runny runny nose, bad cough, and won't eat any baby food. She is just nursing & taking cereal with breast milk once a day..... and maybe taking a little juice. This started on Friday & really kicked up on Saturday. I hope & pray that it is on it's way out of here!

The Doc. says it is viral, and that we just have to wait it out. We are on a couple of homeopathic supplements & Tylenol.

Please, please pray for our little Bree and for this cold to take a hike NOW!!

Happy 6 Month Birthday!!!

2008-12-19T10:39:00.007-06:00

I can't even believe it. That can't be right! Can it?!?! My itty bitty tiny little baby is already 6 months old?!??!? Oh my goodness!!

Oh, sweet angel, I can't believe you are already 1/2 a year old!!!!!!! You have changed and grown so much baby girl. It is almost hard for me to believe you were once just 7 Lbs.! I have to look back at pictures sometimes to really understand how much you have grown & changed. It seems as though I was holding you in the hospital just a few moments ago, and now here you are 6 months old!! I love you with all that I am & all that I have! You are our little angel, sweet Bree!!

Well, this past month you have done a ton of new things...............
- You met Santa..... but weren't too impressed. It was nap time. (Picture coming soon)
- You have now tried Bananas, Applesauce, and Pears. We usually mix one or two of those with oatmeal or rice cereal & breast milk or water.
- You roll bunches now! You can roll in any direction while reaching for anything in sight! ;-)
- You always reach for Mommy's water bottles & whatever I am eating. You also love to pull hair & take people's glasses off!
- You have decided that there is WAY too much to do when laying on the changing table while I change you diaper. So, mostly Mommy changes you on your play blanket on the floor.

- You are such a big girl now, because you can spot your pacifier.... wiggle 'til you reach it..... and put it in your mouth all by yourself!!
- You chew on your fingers, pacifer, toys.... pretty much anything you can get to your mouth. (I think your little teeth are on their way.)
- You reach & laugh at the doggies!
- You drink water pretty well now.
- You have suddenly gotten extremely attached to Mommy, and I can't usually leave your line of sight without little crys.
-Which leads to why you now live on my hip! :-)
- You have also gotten a little bashful. It is soooo cute & funny! Sometimes when someone besides Mommy talks to you or smiles at you...... you smile, turn, and bury you head in Mommy's shoulder.... still smiling. Ha! :-)
- You now believe sleep is unnecessary & gets in the way of play time! Hahaha!
- You love to bounce, wiggle, move, kick, flap your little arms like a birdie, giggle, "talk", touch everything, smile constantly, play peak-a-boo, finding tags on anything (blankets, pillows, clothes, etc.) and trying to eat them!

I love you so much Miss Aubrey Katelynn!!!!

Here are some pictures from our 6 month "photo shoot"! :-)

Sleep....O' where O'where have you gone??

2008-12-17T15:50:00.004-06:00

Oh sweet sleep, where have you gone? I love you my dear friend....... please, come visit me again sooooon!! :)

Well, Bree baby has not been sleeping that great for quite a while now. Not that I am complaining about her; she is the Best!! No doubt about that! I just wish we could consistently sleep at least 7 straight hours at night. That's just the thing, her night time sleeping patterns are so inconsistent! I can't put my finger on what is going on? I've tried to pay attention to every little change in everything from eating habits, nap times throughout the day, to possible teething??? I just have no idea! I'm stumped. I think she slept better..... consistently better at 8 weeks than she does now. I'm so confused. Does this just happen when you introduce solids & are waiting on those stinkin' teeth to pop through??

Anyway, I think i have slept only 6 straight hours maybe 4 0r 5 nights since Bree was born. Mostly in the beginning, when Bree would sleep that long...... I would just wake up in a panic. Now, it just seems like she wakes up in the middle of the night, happy & ready to play & eat.

Any ideas??? Please? I'm going to increase her baby food some more tonight.... maybe that will help her sleep a little longer through the night?

This is for Bree...

2008-12-11T07:37:00.003-06:00

I'm into these Word For The Day things right now. Today's seems to be written for my little girl! I don't think you can ever anticipate how much you will love your child, until you are a parent. I longed for her, and loved her before she was ever here. I try to remember my life without her, and it all seems dark. Our little Bree, has not only "rekindled (my) inner light," she has shown me the sun itself. I love you baby girl!!

http://www.gratefulness.org/ WORD FOR THE DAY Thursday, Dec. 11

"Sometimes our light goes out, but is blown again into instant flame by an encounter with another human being. Each of us owes the deepest thanks to those who have rekindled this inner light."

Albert Schweitzer

Wordless Wednesday

2008-12-10T08:04:00.000-06:00

(The doggies included themselves in Bree's playtime :) hahaha)

Word For The Day

2008-12-07T21:37:00.000-06:00

My mom started forwarding me these "word for the day" things a couple of years ago from http://www.gratefulness.org/ . They are little sayings/devotionals/daily meditations..... however you want to think of it. I finally signed up to get them myself a few months back. Here is the one from this past Saturday that I enjoyed. :)
Just a little something to think about................

"Any kind of expectation creates a problem. We should accept, but not expect. Whatever comes, accept it. Whatever goes, accept it. The immediate benefit is that your mind is always peaceful."

Sri Swami Satchidananda

Wordless Wednesday

2008-12-03T08:47:00.001-06:00

Oh, how I loath Walmart!

2008-12-02T17:09:00.005-06:00

Don't get me wrong...... I love the prices, but I hate the ...... "shopping experience" I guess. It seem I always get stuck behind the lady with 18 kids that all seem to be sick, the indecisive guy who has no understanding of what his wife wrote on the grocery list, or now today.............. the guy totally stoned out of his mind. Wait, pardon me.... he could have been tripping..... I'm not quite sure. I mean, I know that deciding between Orange Juice with no pulp, low pulp, extra pulp, and added calcium is a rather large decision....... but lets get with the program.

I noticed this poor little stoner lost in thought looking at the OJ as soon as I entered the refrigerated section. So, I tried to gather up all I needed before heading to get my own OJ. Okay..... I did all my shopping in that section & came back to the OJ....... He is still there. I decided to go get some of my frozen stuff & come back. To no avail........ he was still there! I'm talking a good 5 min. people. I would have asked nicely for him to move before, but he had sort of blocked off the entire OJ shelf. But at this point, I just had to push past him & nicely say..... "ahem.... excuse me please!" He then gave me a bewildered look, seemed unable for a few moments to figure out what I was saying, and then finally stepped away from the OJ. Then watched how I chose my OJ with ease & quickly strolled away. When I glanced back, I noticed that little druggie boy decided to finally make his selection of OJ............. the exact same one I got!

Okay, I don't care if you want to do drugs. I don't care if you want to trip or smoke out all day. It is your body & your choice. I don't care if you want to be totally messed up at 2pm in the afternoon ............ kind of stupid, but whatever.................BUT JUST STAY HOME!!!!! !! K Thanks!

:)

Happy Birthday Continued..........

2008-12-01T11:15:00.013-06:00

After we went to sweet little Gracie's birthday party yesterday, we headed over to my mom's house. My mom & brother took us out to eat for Nick's birthday, and then we came back to my momma's house for cake & ice cream. Yummy! :)

I forgot to get my camera out at little Grace's b-day party..... but I did get some pictures at my mom's house.

Happy Birthday Nick!!!!

2008-11-30T13:00:00.006-06:00

Today is my sweet hubby's birthday! We went to breakfast this morning, and then headed to Nick's favorite place in the whole world (haha)........ Best Buy!

We love you so much sweetie!!!

On our way home from our little happy birthday outing, Bree put her pacifer back in her mouth all by herself!! WOW!!! She is such a big girl! Everyday, she is doing more & more...... I just can't believe it!!

Also, today is our little friend, Gracie's Birthday!! Happy 2nd Birthday sweet girl! I can't believe you are already 2 years old!!!

Happy Thanksgiving 2008

2008-11-29T16:17:00.005-06:00

I hope everyone had a really wonderful Thanksgiving! This year we spent Thanksgiving at my Cousin Connie's house in the Fort Worth area. My mom has so many wonderful cousins, and we usually rotate between houses each year. On my mom's side, we have a big extended family, and there are usually 30+ people. It is always so nice to be around family! Also, Nick's parents came into town from Saint Louis.
Here are a few pictures from our Thanksgiving this year... as well as Nick's parents visit:

Daddy & Bree:
Nana & Bree Baby:

Cousins Ruth & Jane

Bree had to take a little nap :)

Bree & Grandma Sapp:

My Momma & brother Matt:

The Sapp's Visit:

We headed to the park one day....

Nick beat his Dad at a game of Basketball :)

Certified Public Accountant!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-11-21T08:26:00.000-06:00

Congratulations to my sweet hubby……. We just found out that he past the last section of the CPA exam!! WoooHoooo!!! So, after he fills out all the paper work and takes his ethics course………… He will officially be a CPA!!!

We are so proud of you sweet heart! You have studied & worked so incredibly hard for this! We love you!!

For the last 2 years, inbetween Nick working an average of 60 hour work weeks during his NON busy season, he has been studying for these tests non stop. I am so happy that all of that is over now! YAY!!

Oh, and if anyone wants to come over & roast marshmallows tonight…. Just let me know. We will be having a huge ceremonial bonfire to burn all of the CPA books tonight at our house! HAHAHA!!! :) Anything you guys want to burn & add to the bonfire??

Happy 5 Month Birthday Sweet Baby Bree!!!!

2008-11-19T16:59:00.018-06:00

Bree, you are the sunshine of Mommy’s life!! Mommy & Daddy love you soo much sweet angel! I can’t believe you are 5 months old today! Every day I look into your precious eyes, I thank God for His most wonderful work ever…. YOU!!

You have turned into such a little actress lately. I’m constantly laughing at all the new silly & wonderful things you are doing all of the time!!

New things you have done this month:

-You can roll from your front to your back & are sooo close to rolling from your tummy to your back.
- You started rice cereal the past Saturday November 15th (You LOVE it)!

- You get the giggles at night now off & on!

- You think Mommy’s serious voice (when I am getting on to the dogs) is hilarious!..... This should be interesting in several months when you are the one getting into things. I can hear it now “haha…. You are soo funny Mommy when you tell me NO”!

- You drink water out of a sippy cup, & you think that is the best!
- You reach for Mommy’s water bottle, food, hair, earrings, and for your toys... & the doggies!

- You smile every time the flash comes on when I’m taking your picture. (Which let’s face it….. is all of the time.)

- You love to watch your Care Bears & Baby Einstein movies!

- You “talk” almost all of the waking hours of the day away!

- You are officially sleeping in your own room! You actually have been in there for a whole month now (But Mommy might still be in there with you most nights…. To escape Daddy’s snoring! Shhhh…. Don’t tell Daddy). :)

-You are such a tough little girl. You loved to play BOO… & get scared game. You also think it is so funny when Daddy plays wall ball in your room over your crib.

- You like to sit in your little chair & play with toys!

- You seem to think it is pretty cool to sit up in your high chair when Mommy is in the kitchen.

Bree, My Love……. “You are my sunshine… my only sunshine; you make me happy when skies are gray…. You’ll never know dear how much I love you…..!

2008-11-17T09:09:00.000-06:00

Where have I been?? I’ve become the biggest slacker with this blog! I’m going to really make an effort to get better with that. Life has been crazy! Bree is doing all these new things, and I have so many little updates about her. She is going to be 5 months old this week!! What?! I will post all her favorites & happenings on the 19th in honor of her 5 month birthday. I know there are other updates I need to add too, but I’ll try to summarize later without writing a 5 page blog entry.
I hope all is well with all my bloggy readers! :)
Updates coming soon! :)

Wordless Wednesday

2008-11-12T09:06:00.003-06:00

(Showing off a new present from her Grandmomma) :)

Wordless Wednesday

2008-11-05T09:12:00.000-06:00

Pumpkin Patch

2008-10-30T14:47:00.020-06:00

Nick took this week off from work to study for the last section of his CPA exam. So, earlier this week we decided to take a quick "study break" and head over to a fun pumpkin patch! This pumpkin patch had a bunch of goats, cows, & chickens that you could feed. They also had some long horns, stray but super friendly farm kitties, and a donkey. There was also a hay ride we could have taken.... but we opted to save that one for next year. Bree did wonderful, and she especially loved the animals. She just stared & smiled at them. We all had a good time! :)

A year ago today.........

2008-10-27T11:00:00.007-06:00

(Side note............ much of what I write on my blog is not only just about my daughter..... but for my daughter. I hope one day she is able to read these entries like a journal. So, if some of these stories bore you or are not of interest to you...... I won't be offended!)

October 27th, 2007 is a day I will never forget! It was the day I found out I was pregnant with our little Aubrey!! I can't believe it has already been one year, but what a year it has been.

Nick & I had been trying to have a baby for 10 months, and although that doesn't sound like forever..... it sure felt like it. I have always, always wanted to be a Mommy. I think I even started getting baby fever in my early 20's. Of course, we weren't ready for a baby then...... I just longed for the day we would be ready.
So, when that time finally came where we were both ready emotionally & financially..... I thought it would just happen right away. Several of my friends got pregnant the first month or two of trying..... and some weren't even trying. I was disappointed the first 2-3 months when it didn't happen, by the 5th or 6th month started getting depressed, and by the 7th & 8th month.... I started thinking that maybe something was wrong. It seemed everywhere I turned someone else was pregnant, and I started wondering if we would ever know that joy. I know many people try for years & years.... and honestly I don't know how they do it. My whole heart goes out to them...... because all I can say is.... it just hurts! You feel defective & abnormal. You want to be happy for everyone around you who is pregnant or has a child...... but it is sort of gut wrenching. And those who are fortunate enough to not experience this..... can never quite understand the tears that flow when you are alone. Or when you get the newest call from a friend saying "I'm pregnant..... or Guess what.... so & so is pregnant now." You smile & say yay for you or them! But smiling when all you want to cry gets harder as the months go by. I hope most of you out there never experience this or understand what I'm talking about! I know some of you are thinking, Allison it was just 10 months..... what are you talking about? It didn't feel like that! It felt like my whole life + 10 months that I was hoping for a child.... our child.

Anyway, we saw a doctor in October 2007, & were going to begin fertility testing in early November. Then on Saturday, October 27th...... all of that changed! I got up early that morning & took a test. I had taken about 183 pregnancy tests at this point (okay maybe not quite that many... but you get the point), and immediately just one line came up. At this point in the game, I had given up on staring at the test for 5-10 minutes at a time ... thinking it would change..... which I did for the first several months. So, I gave the test about a min. & threw it away. Another negative test..... oh well..... ! I crawled back in bed & asked Nick if he ever thought this would happen for us. He, of course, said yes, & that next month would be the month (which my sweet husband always told me). Nick went & got us some yummy & oh so bad for you breakfast at McDonald's. We had a lazy morning, and Nick left around noonish to go get his haircut. I went to the restroom right after he left, and just happened to glance down at the test I took early that morning. But wait.......... what the hell? Something was wrong with it. There was another .... very faint line. Ummm.... what??? No, no, no..... I'm hallucinating, I thought. Don't get your hopes up, don't get your hopes up, I told myself over & over. I text Nick to call me as soon as he was finished.
Nick called about 30 min. later, and I told him was was going on. I told him it was probably nothing, but to please stop & get a couple more tests on his way home. He brought home several digital tests that actually say "pregnant" or "not pregnant". Nick waited in the bathroom with me. The digital hour glass came up telling us to keep waiting. I flipped the test face down on the counter and waited as long as I possibly could before flipping it over (about 5 seconds). As soon as I flipped it over....... it said "PREGNANT"!!! Nick just stared at me.... and I just stared at the test. "What? ........ What?......... Well, what does it say?" Nick was asking. I couldn't speak. I just turned the test towards him. He smiled & hugged me..... and threw in a "I told you it would happen"!!
This is an excerpt from my journal this day, last year.
" Today our prayers, my longing, my ache, my dream came true!! I'm pregnant!!! What? I can hardly believe what I just wrote. This is the best, most special.... & almost unreal day of my life! I am in shock.... praise.... awe....& total bliss. I am completely overwhelmed at a God who has not only answered my greatest longing.... but knew just when to bless us."

Here we are just after we took the test:

This strengthened Nick & I. I'm glad we didn't have to wait any longer than we did, but I think I would have waited forever for our Aubrey.... our Bree. She more than we ever prayed for...... she is God's greatest blessing in our lives!

Weekend Update.....

2008-10-26T10:20:00.025-06:00

The past several weeks have been soooo busy for us. We have had a bunch of family get together & lots of activities & things to do. Last weekend, my cousin Meridith had a "sip & see" party to introduce her beautiful little girl, Sutton, to friends & family. We had tea, yummy food, and the best cake.

And this weekend, my Dad & Stepmom came into town to meet our little Aubrey. This is their first granddaughter, and they were able to spend some good time with all of us & especially with Bree baby. They drove in from Colorado on Thursday & stayed the weekend. Bree has definitely met sooo many people lately! She has done so well!!

Anyway, here is the last two weekends in pictures.

My Dad & Cathy meeting their Granddaughter for the first time:

Matt, Charla, Maddie, Bailee, & Bree

Nick has been studying a bunch for the last section of his CPA test & just got warn out. :)

Running around with Bree & the Grant man:

Sutton's Tea Party last weekend.........

Sutton in her B-e-a-u-t-i-f-u-l cradle:

Cousins:

My grandpa's sister, Evelyn, with her Great-Great Nieces:

A favorite poem....

2008-10-22T20:24:00.010-05:00

This has always been one of my favorite poems! The older I get the more meaning it has to me. When I doubt myself ... Or when people make me sad, frustratred, or plain bug the tar out of me........ I can sometimes hear the words of this poem in my head. Lately, I've been needing or wanting to read this more often than ever before.

Hope you enjoy it as much as I do!

==========================================

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantmentit is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.Beyond a wholesome discipline,

be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars;

you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

Wordless Wednesday

2008-10-22T11:01:00.003-05:00

4 Months Old!!!!!!

2008-10-19T21:25:00.000-05:00

My sweet baby girl, today was your 4 month old birthday! I can hardly believe that on this date 4 months ago you were just minutes old. In many ways, it feels like just moments ago you were born, yet, I look at how different life is now that you are here, and I feel as though you have been with us forever. You are God's greatest gift my love! You have learned & grown so much, but you have also taught your Mommy more than you will ever know. You have changed me.... My essence, my soul.... and I will never be the same. When I longed for a child. I longed for you. You my little angel are God's most perfect miracle. I am so proud to be called YOUR mother! I love you Bree!! Happy 4 month birthday my little monkey!!

What Bree baby is doing these days:

-Smiling all the time!!!

- Small giggles

- Talking & cooing 1/2 of the day away

- Rolling from her right side to her back

- She wants to sit up ALL of the time with the help of Mommy or the boppy (she is constantly doing crunches to try & sit up)

- She likes to stand on Mommy & Daddy's lap.... or anywhere where we can hold her up.

- The hands & anything she can put her little hands on.... go strait to the mouth

- Drooling bunches

- Fake coughing

- Laughing at sneezes & coughs

- Trying to grab her toys ... or Momma's hair ;-)

- She can hold her rattle now or other small toys

- She makes Mommy & Daddy fall more & more in love with her everyday!!

Wordless Wednesday

2008-10-15T13:17:00.002-05:00

My BIG Girl............

2008-10-14T23:17:00.001-05:00

My itty bitty little bundle of joy........ has ROLLED!! Aubrey rolled from her right side to her back!! I can't believe how quickly she is growing! She is such a big girl! I am so proud of her & excited about all the new & wonderful things she is learning every day..... but it also is going soooo fast!

I'll work on posting a picture or video!

Weekend Review...

2008-10-12T22:33:00.002-05:00

This past weekend was a blur of friends, family, and good times! First, a couple of my best girl friends came by to hang out for a little bit & love on Bree! It was Kristy's first time to meet baby Bree, and it was just so good to see her! I don't get to see them as often as I'd like, but we always have a great time whenever we get together!

Here is Kristy & Bree...

Kristy, Bree, & Katy....

Katy laughing at funny Bree baby pictures she took with her phone ;-)

Next, I got the pleasure of baby sitting one of our bestest little friends, Grant! :)

Nick is showing Bree that Grant came over to play (Bailey dog was pretty interested too)...

Another one of the handsome Grant.....

Next, it was my great uncle Menford's 85th birthday on Saturday, and the family had a little party for him on Sunday. He lives in a retirement home in Arlington, and everyone gathered there to honor him! There was cake, ice cream, presents, and some fun family time. For those of you who may not know, my Uncle Menford is my late grandfather's brother.

Here is Bree ready to go the party! :-)

Here are a couple pictures of my grandpa's brother & sisters. Aunt LaVerna, Uncle Menford, and Aunt Evelyn.

Bree & her Great-Great Aunt Evelyn.......

Cousin Dorinda...

Cousin Connie...

Cousin Harold & Cousin Hugh...

Cousin Rachel & our newest cousin Sutton.....

Me, Baby Bree, & Aunt LaVerna.....

AND the newest little addition to the family Sutton Ellen Constant. Sutton is my cousin Meridith's precious little girl. She is just 2 months younger than Bree, and this was the first time the littlest cousins got to meet each other. It so neat to have cousins so close in age, and I'm hoping that Bree & Sutton get to be the bestest of friends!

Now....especially with both of my grandparents gone... it sure feels nice to be around our family. My Mom & I were just saying that being around everyone some how made us still feel close to my Nanny & Papaw (my mom's parents).

Wow..... what a weekend! ;-) We are so blessed to have the most wonderful family & the greatest friends! That is what it is all about after all!! :-)

Grandma Sapp Visit

2008-10-10T12:37:00.006-05:00

For the past several days, Bree has gotten to catch up on some time with her Grandma Sapp. Nick's parents moved to St. Louis about 6 weeks ago. So, Sue was able to make a little trip down to see her favorite (okay... only) grand-daughter. ;-) Our little Bree is just growing so quickly, I'm sure she had changed so much since the last time Sue saw her.

Anyway, we had a fun week. We did a little shopping & went to lunch one day.

Then yesterday we met my mom for a late breakfast & went to the movies! The Angelica theater (a movie theater close by) has something called a "cry baby matinee". Twice a week the theater offers a movie where babies are welcome! It's very cool. Not many babies were there, but all went well. I believe they show a new movie each week....... so, we might be headed back there soon! Any other Mamma's out there needing a movie break...... let me know & we could go together! I think there "cry baby" movies are on Thursday & Saturday at 1:15pm. Bree did really well too. Here are a few pictures........

Nick has still been dealing with huge projects & deadlines this week. I think the earliest he made it home was about 7:30pm the first night his mom was here. The rest of the week he hasn't made it home until at least 11pm. I know he is just beat. Here he is snuggling up his baby girl after a l-o-n-g day!

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also.......CONGRATULATIONS Uncle Matt Sapp!!!!

Matt graduates from Law school in May, and has now been offered a job in Houston!! Yay!! We are soooo happy for our Uncle Matt & Aunt Morgan!! But....hopefully they will be able to head back to the Dallas area in the next few years!! ;-)

It's a Transitional thing......

2008-09-30T10:29:00.008-05:00

So, Bree has been sleeping in a cradle right next to our bed ever since she was born. I love it!! Let me repeat that, I LOVE IT!! I love that she is an arms length away from me. I love that I can hear her little sighs, grunts, and often laughs while she is sleeping. I love that if she looses her pacifier.... all I have to do is roll over & reach in her cradle to give it back to her. I love that on mornings I'm soooooo tired, all I have to do is scoop her up, pull her in bed with me, and nurse her. And every once in a while when she sleeps a long stretch of time & I still get that waking from a dead sleep panic type thing...... All I have to do is turn my head to look at her & all is well. I love it!

AND...Her cradle ROCKS!! I am really happy that I got it. But my only complaint is that it isn't a little bigger. Here is the problem, she is quickly out growing her cradle! I know I know...... my baby is nearly 3 1/2 months old........ and cradles are suppose to be for itty bitty babies. Yeah, yeah, yeah..... I know.

You might also be saying....... but she has her own room with a beautiful crib, comfy bedding, and a baby monitor. So, what's the problem then? Yes, I know this........ but here is the thing....... I'm not ready! I'm trying, but ..... but ..... I dunno.... I'm just not ready. When I think of my little baby sleeping in her big girl crib in her own big girl room.......... I get some sort of bizarre tunnel vision type thing & all of a sudden her room feels 3 miles away from ours. It is absolutely ridiculous! I know, I am aware, ...... But let me just tell you the awareness that it is a little crazy..... doesn't make it go away!

So, here we are, a beautiful growing baby, with a lovely room waiting for her,...... and a mommy that just can't handle it yet. Hahaha! Poor, poor sweet baby Bree, if I'm having problems moving her to her own room........I can't even imagine what will happen when she is going off to college!! AHHHH! LOL!

Well, last night Nick had to work really late. He has big deadline coming up, and wasn't going to be home until after midnight. He also leaves for work around 6am ish, and I knew she would wake up with all of the commotion of Nick coming in & out. We also have 3 dogs................ who all sleep in bed with us. Crazy, crazy.... I know. And let me add...... crowded!! I've often wondered why, when we have a King sized bed, I'm sleeping on the edge of the bed, with a smidgen of a pillow, no covers, and nearly wedged between our bed & Bree's cradle! Haha! I digress..... one problem at a time.

Anyway, lately, Bree has been a little more restless at night for some reason. I was thinking that it was getting off schedule with our recent traveling, but I'm not sure. It's not every night, but lately she has started going back to 4am feedings again. Then, this past weekend, after I got up with the dogs 3 times, told my husband to quit snoring about 10 times, & turned off my husbands alarm clocks 4 times (yes... he sets every alarm in our house.... including our cell phones), all in one night, I started thinking....... maybe we are disturbing her? I mean, who wouldn't be disturbed with all of this noise?? Maybe she is getting a little more restless because my wonderful husband snores like a freight train (sorry baby, but you do), my dogs might need smaller bladders and/or doggie ambien, and every alarm in our house needs to find a new home before I break them! So, I made a mental note......... Bree has her own room. ;) She might sleep better in there..... even if mommy doesn't at first.

So, I figured with Nick working late last night...... God might be saying..... give her room a try? So, drum roll p-l-e-a-s-e....... Bree slept in her big girl crib last night!!!!

You might also be wondering..... well, how did you do with that mommy???? Well, I did okay...........................

Considering I slept on the floor right next to her crib all night! HAHAHA!!! Yeah, yeah, yeah..... I don't want to hear it.

Bree did great! She still got up for her 4 am feeding, but I think she slept pretty good. Here she is waking up this morning.

So, now what? I think it might take several weeks.... & I'm not saying we are completely finished with the cradle just yet...... but hopefully we are progressing. :) Well, maybe I should say..... mommy is progressing! ;)

Happy Birthday Grandma Sapp!

2008-09-30T10:14:00.005-05:00

We hope you are having a wonderful birthday!! :)

He passed!!

2008-09-26T14:44:00.005-05:00

Nick passed the next section of his CPA exam!!! YAY!! The CPA exam is an extremely difficult exam! There are 4 long sections or tests, and you have to pass all of them in a certain amount of time..... or you have to start all over & take them all again. With as many hours as Nick has to work at times, it's hard to find enough time to sleep.... let alone study. Nick has now passed 3 out of the 4 sections!

We are sooooo proud of you baby!!! You have studied & worked so hard! Now, you only have 1 more section to go!! WoooHooooo!

We love you & are so very very proud of you!! Yippeee!! ;-)

First laugh caught on tape! ;-)

2008-09-25T12:00:00.007-05:00

Bree has been laughing since almost the first week she was born........ But only while she was sleeping. It's really cute, but I have been anxious to hear that little laugh while she was awake. She has been smiling so big for a while now, that you just think she is wanting or trying to laugh. Now finally, last Saturday...... she put a little voice behind the happiness! It has taken me a little while to figure out how to upload videos..... but here we go. Hahaha! I love it!!

Photo Sharing - Video Sharing - Photo Printing - Photo Books

THIS child.....

2008-09-24T12:45:00.007-05:00

"For THIS child I prayed......"

1 Samuel 1:27

Truer words were never spoken nor written. She is my light & love. I can no longer remember my life without my little Aubrey. All the many years I prayed for a child, I now understand .... it was exactly THIS child I prayed for. I am so thankful for her, ......our answered prayer! Dark days are so much brighter with this little angel in our lives! :)

My Nanny........

2008-09-21T13:51:00.012-05:00

As most of you know by now, we lost my grandmother, Ruby Earline Sutton, on Saturday morning September 13th at about 12:45am. I still feel bad that I wasn't with her when she passed, as I was with my grandfather. Bree & I had been up with her at the Nursing home most of the day & evening on Wed., Thurs., and Friday...... and by Friday at around 9pm..... we were pretty tired. Nick met us up there around 5pm that day, and was able to give Bree a little break & get her out for a little bit.

That evening, my mom, my brother, and I sat with my grandma. We cleaned her up, helped her with breathing treatments, and tried to make her comfortable. After my brother left, my mom & I just took turns holding my grandma's hand.

As I left that evening, I whispered in her ear how much she was loved. I told her of all the loved ones waiting for her in heaven, and asked her to save us all a spot next to her. I kissed her face & said one more time, "I love you Nanny," and I made my way out of the nursing home.

Nick & I grabbed something to eat on the way home, scarfed our food down, and rushed home. When we got home I gave Bree a long bath & just let her play as much as she wanted. She is always a wonderful baby, but over the last couple of days with my grandma......... she was more than an angel. It's almost like she knew. In fact, one of the hospice volunteer's commented on how good she was, and that she probably did know. She said Bree was still close to the other side because she was so new to the world. (I know.... it may sound weird to some of you..... but I liked it & found comfort in it.)

After I let Bree play to her hearts content, and eat until her tummy was full, I got her bundled up & I put her down for the night. I then jumped in the shower myself. Nick was still sleeping on the couch, because he had been really sick that week. So, Nick went & laid down, and I tried to lay my head down..... but I just couldn't rest. About that time, around 12:30ish am, I got a call from my mom. My mom had hired a nurse to stay with my grandma when she left at around 10:30pm. Then nurse had called my mom to tell her that my grandma was getting really bad.

When I got off the phone with my mom, I was trying to figure out what to do. I thought I might have a couple of hours before Bree got up to eat & that I could just leave her with Nick. I just didn't know what to do..... and I was pretty tired myself. The next thing I knew the phone was ringing again. My stomach dropped, and all I felt was dread. I answered the phone. It was my brother. He said Nanny was gone. I went & woke Nick up. I told him that she was gone, & I just laid in his arms & cried.

I was always extremely close to both of my Mom's parents. I treasure that! But my grandmother....... I can hardly remember any family time without her. She moved to Dallas in the late 80's, and I probably saw her almost every other day, until I went off to college. She wasn't my "extended family".... she was my Immediate family. She was funny, and artsy. She could paint beautifully. She loved to laugh.... and she had the most contagious laughter. She would get the giggles .... or would "just get tickled" as she would say. And you couldn't help but laugh along with her. She loved music & movies. She liked gardening & loved flowers. She had a green thumb to say the least. She absolutely loved the ocean & beach. In fact, I can hardly look a sea shell without thinking of her. She always had tons of shells at her house. She loved God. She was always reading little devotional books or bible studies. She would braid my hair, and pick me up from soccer practice. She loved shopping, and getting her hair & nails done. She liked humming songs as she walked around the house. She volunteered for almost 30 years. She was a beautiful, beautiful woman. She told funny stories about playing in tar (when they were paving streets around her home as a child) and ruining brand new dresses my great-grandma made her. Stories about keg beer & boyfriends. She........ she is so many things & she makes up so many many memories of mine. I can't believe she is gone. And I ache for her.

This is kind of stupid, but a line from a movie keeps coming back to me every time I sit & think..... I should have stayed with my grandmother that night. It's from Fried Green Tomatoes and it says..... "she was a lady..... and a lady always knows when to leave." My grandmother was.... is a lady...... and I guess just she needed to leave.

Grief is such a strange thing, and I guess it is different every time. Loosing my grandmother feels so much different than loosing my grandfather. Both equally as hard..... but just different. Some moments I feel fine..... Others I just get totally over whelmed & start crying. Grief has so many colors. I guess it's sort of like the ocean tide..... it comes in waves.

As I sit here typing this & cry ...... I think how very blessed I was to have her as my grandmother, to know her, to love her....... She was such a blessing in my life. She hung on long enough to meet her great-granddaughter, and I am so grateful for that as well. Even at the funeral service, the preacher mentioned that he thought that "Aubrey will always have the most wonderful guardian angel watching over her." And I know that is true.

I love you Nanny..... Forever & always.... there is no end. You are a part of me & will always live on inside of me...... and now in Bree. I love you............

PRAYERS PLEASE

2008-09-10T12:55:00.004-05:00

As most of you know, my grandmother has been in hospice for a little while now. We just got a call from them telling us my grandmother probably doesn't have much longer now. Of course, don't know if that will be hours or days...... so please pray for both my grandmother & us. My mom & I will be up there with her within the hour. I would appreciate all the thoughts & prayers you could send my Nanny's way.

Wordless Wednesday

2008-09-10T08:07:00.001-05:00

The past couple of days.....

2008-09-08T20:05:00.015-05:00

First off, Nick is sick. He is still at work & everything, but he is feeling bad. I know he hates, absolutely hates being sick, and I feel so bad for him. He works so hard all the time, and working long hours when you are sick ..... is just the worst. I'm also scared that Bree & I might catch it. My immune system has always been terrible, and I always seem to catch everything. So, I have been doubling up on all my vitamins & vitamin C. Please pray we don't get it too..... well, that Bree doesn't get it!

This past weekend, one of my best friends Katy was in town for a bridal shower. She was able to come out & spend the day with us! I was so excited for her to finally meet my little love, Bree! I always love getting to spend time with Katy. The last time I saw her was when Nick & I took our little "babymoon" trip to Austin & San Antonio, and I was about 35 weeks pregnant. Here are some pictures of Bree & her Auntie Katy.....

Also, this morning, I got a great little gift on my door step! Ummmmm, Okay.... let me just start by saying.... I'm not much of a shopper. I mean, I love to look nice and all..... but I don't normally think I put things together that well. Meaning.... I don't think I will be gracing the covers of any fashion magazines anytime soon. I would love to..... but I just have to be "in the mood" to shop..... which doesn't seem to happen very often. However, when shopping for baby clothes..... this same mentality just does not apply!! I LOVE BABY CLOTHES! I think I might have a problem! FO' REALS! HAHA! Just kidding..... kind of ... ;-)
Anyway, Macy's had this huge sale.... I started shopping online.... and found all these wonderful deals! So, I ordered Bree a bunch of stuff for next summer. I just couldn't resist. The most expensive thing I got was an $ 11 Polo dress that was originally $35!! The rest of the 2 & 3 piece outfits were $5- $7... Plus free shipping. Anyway, we got the clothes this morning! :)

Next, we headed over to spend a little time with my Momma, who had dental surgery this morning. Ouch, ouch, ouch!!! Bree gave her Nana some smiles & laughs before totally passing out next to her. :) Feel better Mom/Nana..... WE LOVE YOU!! :-)

A baby outing....

2008-09-06T11:51:00.002-05:00

On Thursday, we had a little play date & outing with our wonderful friends Grant & Jenni. It was fun to get out & about.... but I'll tell you what.... getting out with 2 babies & 2 tired Momma's takes more energy than you think. I think that by the time we got something to eat and walked the mall a bit (in between changing diapers & feedings), we were just spent.

Here are a couple pictures of our day! :-) Here is Bree ready to go out....

Back in February, Jenni & I bought the cutest little matching boy & girl outfits for our little babies that were on their way! Now, here they are in there matching outfits.........

Thirteen Thursday.....

2008-09-04T07:32:00.000-05:00

I have a secret, and I'm finally willing to share it. I have a love for TV show theme songs. Yeah.... you read that right....... theme songs. And I'm not talking about "cool" ones like from Friends, or even "old school cool" like from Fresh Prince of Bel Air......... NO, NO, No...... i'm talking pure 80ish (Or older) totally ridiculous cheese! So, here we go..... here are 13 of the theme songs I love, sing along with, and mostly know all the words to. I know, I know... I'm a dork! :) Hahaha!!!

1. Facts of Life

2. Charles in Charge

3. Saved by the Bell

4. Three's Company

5. Growing Pains

6. Punky Brewster

7. Full House

8. Blossom

9. Who's the Boss

10. The Wonder Years

11. Roseanne

12. Family Ties

13. Golden Girls

Now, I'll bet you have smiled or sang along to at least 1 one of these songs! See..... theme songs are good!!! ;-) HAHA!!